I've been having problems with my boyfriend lately. We don't argue often, but when we do, make ups are extremely awkward because we're unsure how to move forward from it and many conversations that follow seem forced. During our last make up, we tried to get more communicative as to why we get upset with each other, sometimes. He revealed that a lot had to deal with his last and most serious relationship. He never goes into detail, but simply that it was 'his fault.' I know who she is, but she doesn't know who I am, I feel like I should drop her an e-mail or something -- not to interrogate her but just to find out why they broke up. Maybe I can end up giving my boyfriend some closure, and help him move on to a better relationship with me.  Should I send his ex an email and find out the source of our current problems, or is that just too personal to ask of someone who I barely know -- and try to focus solely on the boyfriend and help him come out of this wall he's built?

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------

You go too far out on a limb when you get into the territory of seeking out info from an ex. In the best case scenario it's helpful -- in the worst, he could find out and you'd be toast. I think you should impress upon him how important it is to be as open as he can be with you, in order for you to not feel like an outsider looking in. The less information you have, the more you're left to guess, and it's unfair to you. After an argument, it's hard to snap back into a comfort zone without a transition period to lead up to it, but it also depends on what the arguments are about and if the issue never gets resolved. "His fault" doesn't really cut it as an excuse to why he can't have better communication skills with you. If he had problems, in the past, they are unlikely to change unless he's serious about getting to the root of why he considered himself to be at blame. History repeats itself when lessons are not learned from the past. If he's emotionally closed off in certain areas, you are going to be more frustrated, as time goes by, if he's not willing to work with you, openly, to have better communication. You can't do it alone, and you need to tell him it takes two -- in case that hadn't dawned on him. You don't want to put yourself in the role of a parent, or therapist to him because he can't find the emotional maturity to work this out with you. Only time will tell if he's willing to do the tough work to keep this relationship together.