Dear Miss Emily:

I have been single for a year and recently met a man who is very kind. He appears to be intelligent, and articulate. He relocated to his home town, and has lived there for 20 plus years. I am 44 and he is almost 42. I have gone on several dates with him, and he treats me wonderfully, but I have found out he is on EI and it's about to run out. He lives with his parents, and has since December. He graduated high-school and has had work in the past. The fact that he is living at home bothers me. He invited me there one night for the night after we had been at his cousins for drinks. I accepted and was very put out when he made me park my car down the street so his family didn't know I was there. I couldn't even come out until his family left for church the following day! I am a single parent and have been for six years, I work hard in the Health Field, rent a 3 bedroom flat and own my own car. It seems unbelievable that a man his age has nothing. No car, no job, no apartment, no friends. He doesn't socialize with anyone but a female cousin. When we do go anywhere, I have to pick him up in my car, drive around most of the day because he lives an hour away from me, and there is no where for us to go. Am I wrong to feel that he should have his life together, and be a little more established than he is? I don't want another child to look after. The fact that he is looking for work, and plans to take a trucking course doesn't even make me feel secure about the person he is. I can't fathom how is is 42 and has nothing?

---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------

I agree, I do not understand, if one has any self-respect, why he has nothing in terms of financial security at 42. I don't know if there's more to the story, and I'm not sure you do either. This may be difficult for you to do, but I'd want a pretty damn good explanation as to why he's in the circumstance he's in. He may have a history of career failures, and/or financial instability due to his poor management of funds -- his life in general.  Were that to be the case, this man may be sweet -- but emotionally impotent, or careless as to how he conducts his life. If he feels victimized by his present lack of job and financial security, there would have to be a good reason for it. I have known some very nice people who are completely inept when it comes to leading their lives. Tread lightly with this one. If you're doing the driving, and the responsibility for this relationship working in many crucial areas is a result of the effort you put in, end the relationship. It may be lucky for him to have found you -- a woman who accepts him (or so he thinks) with the baggage he brings to the relationship, but you are right, you don't need a dependent child. You want a man who can hold his own, and you're not listening to a ton of excuses why he can't. Get to the bottom of his sorry state of being, and let the relationship go if you see he's not capable of being responsible for his actions, and eager to find solid solutions to his problems in a timely fashion.  Right now, all he offers is information about the things he's going to do. His parents have rules when it comes to overnights -- it's their home, but if he can't make better arrangements than that, at 42, this too is a red flag concerning his inability to be a guy you can respect for the long-haul.