Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years. He is 27 years old, living with his parents. He is going through a rough time right now. His dad is 64 and is very sick. He has congestive heart failure, emphysema, and he is a diabetic. Since before he and I have been together, his dad has been put in the hospital many times for these conditions. I can't even count how many times he has been in the hospital since we have been together. His dad will be good for months or weeks, then he gets to where he cant breath and they have to take him to the hospital. He can be in there for days, or even weeks. This past month, he has been in the hospital 3 times and is currently in there. I am having a hard time being there my boyfriend. I feel like he is making it hard for me to be there for him. He refuses to talk about what hes going through, with me, and that really really bothers me. I think it bothers me so much because I feel like, out of anyone, I should be the one he should be able to talk to. I don't think it's healthy for him to keep all of his emotions inside. He acts fine, but then when his dads conditions start acting up, he acts depressed and doesn't talk much. Which is understandable. I get that. Then when his dad starts feeling better, he acts ok. In the past, when his dad was sick, I would try to get him to talk about what was on his mind, but he would say that when he was ready, he would talk. But he never did. This time I haven't nagged him to talk. I don't say anything when he down in the dumps. I don't ask questions. I don't want him to get upset and snap at me. I do understand that when if he talks about it, it will make him think about the bad things that are going on with his dad. I think I am taking this personally -- that he wont talk to me, his girlfriend. He should want to talk to me. He knows I am a good listener. He knows I am there for him. He has told me in the past that I was easy to talk to, and that he loved talking to me. I need to know how to help him deal with this. Should it bother me as much as it does that he wont talk about it with me? How do I help him? Please help.

------------------------------Ask Miss Emily-----------------------

This is who he is, and his way of dealing with his father's illness. I am sure, to some degree, he wants this all to end. He hates having to go through the emotional elevator - up/down, up/down, and I can understand why he's reluctant to talk about it. It's such old news, and it brings up conflicting feelings. No, don't take it personally. Let it go, and let him talk on his terms, and on his time schedule. His dad is sick, he can't do anything about it and, yet, he's right in the middle of it. Be a support system by letting him know you are there for him, and make the most of your time together. Sometimes saying nothing, is the best plan of all. When his father does pass, perhaps he will need grief counseling, but time will tell on whether that's necessary.