Dear Miss Emily:
 My boyfriend and I have been together several years. We actually knew each other for one day before we started dating and have been together ever since. However - it's not as fairy tale as it sounds. In the beginning of our relationship, I was treated very poorly. I dealt with being lied to and ditched for other girls/friends almost on a daily basis. I can admit that at that point I had just gotten out of another long relationship and simply convinced myself that we were meant to be because I didn't want to be alone. As time went by, things happened and changed between us. I did learn of him cheating on me once and, as far as I am concerned, it was the only time. After getting in trouble with the law, we began to spend every day with each other and grew together. We are now best friends and still spend all of our time together. We are both sober. I have grown out of our teenage party days and have matured in so many ways and, in my eyes, he has done the same. However, he does still want to hang out with people that we used to associate with... for example, his "best friend" who uses drugs and is very promiscuous. I do not trust him to be around my boyfriend. This has started several arguments. He says that if I loved him, I would trust him and let him have fun without being worried that he was going to repeat what happened when we first started dating. Of course, I would never read through text messages/email, but I make myself sick with worry that I am going to lose him because I am (as he's called me before) "a stick in the mud." Do you think that I am wrong to not want him hanging around with what I see as the 'wrong crowd'? We have talked about marriage before and both want to spend our lives together. I want to stop feeling so insecure and worried about our relationship. Please give me some advice on what I could do/say to him to either see things from my point of view, or help me get rid of this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I don't know where he's at?

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------

You and he have come a long way, and I certainly admire your patience in waiting for him to evolve. It's a testament to the strength of the relationship. But I think you're going to have to accept this part of him. You've tried, and I would assume, in every way you can to let him know you're not happy that he hangs around this friend. He simply does not agree. I think he's going to have to be the one to come to the realization that this friend is no longer compatible with him.  He and this guy relate to each other on some level, and it's enough to carry the friendship. From what you say, your relationship with him is too good to throw away over an ultimatum -- "me or your friend." You don't want to control his behavior, and even if you could, that would change the whole dynamic of the relationship to one of parent/child, for example.  Rather than rebel against this friendship, I think you should give him your blessing as long as he doesn't get into trouble. At the first sight of it, you'll know he's made his decision on what he thinks is important to him, and you are obviously not at the top of the list. To worry about something that hasn't happened is a waste of your precious time. Your boyfriend is who he is, and old enough to know what's at stake if he slips up. Right, now, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. He's not a child, and he is, ultimately, responsible for the choices he makes.