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Sacrifice For Summer Fun!
- By Miss Emily
- Published 05/11/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm a 24 year old male. I'm with a girl I think I love but, recently, there have been problems. With summer coming up, I've started into my summer fun. I drink and smoke and party with all my friends and this bothers her. I don't want to feel like I'm doing something wrong everytime I want to have fun, but I don't think I want to give her up. I know my lifestyle is going to cause a lot of problems for us, and I'm not willing to subjugate my feelings to make her happy. She calls it a compromise because she's willing to deal with me having fun sometimes, but I feel like she's trying to make rules for me. Nothing bothers me more than someone trying to change who I am. I don't intend to change anything about my summer fun and we are going to spend a lot of time arguing over it. She is planning on moving in with me but with all the fighting I foresee, I don't think that should happen. Do I break it off now and save both of us the headaches ,or do I ride it out and hope for the best? I don't know what to do, but I know that nothing about these next few months with her are going to be good.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You don't have to convince me! I'm on-board with what you say you want -- and you've already realized you can't make her happy and have the lifestyle you have chosen. I take this line to heart "I'm not willing to subjugate my feelings to make her happy." Okay, that's fine. I don't think she should want to change you, either. If she tries, she ends up being nothing more than a nagging parent. She shouldn't want that and, surely, there's a guy out there for her who wants a commitment, and doesn't party hardy with his friends -- and sees her when he's hungover, or too spent to get it up (I apologize on that one if you're a stud). Do not do anymore more than you think you can do, or you'll end up resenting the hell out of this woman. If a person is up for change, it has to be heartfelt and done for his (or her) own good. Yes, compromise is nice, but it can't be done begrudgingly. Coercion is another word for losing your freedom -- and only you would be to blame for that. I say, follow your instincts on this one. You aren't ready to settle into a committed relationship. But it comes at a cost, like most things in life. I'm sure you're willing to pay it because, doing anything else is going against your very nature at this moment in time. She won't understand how you feel if you've said you love her -- but I'm here to tell you, sometimes love isn't enough. When you give, give freely, or you'll end up bitter, my friend.
I'm a 24 year old male. I'm with a girl I think I love but, recently, there have been problems. With summer coming up, I've started into my summer fun. I drink and smoke and party with all my friends and this bothers her. I don't want to feel like I'm doing something wrong everytime I want to have fun, but I don't think I want to give her up. I know my lifestyle is going to cause a lot of problems for us, and I'm not willing to subjugate my feelings to make her happy. She calls it a compromise because she's willing to deal with me having fun sometimes, but I feel like she's trying to make rules for me. Nothing bothers me more than someone trying to change who I am. I don't intend to change anything about my summer fun and we are going to spend a lot of time arguing over it. She is planning on moving in with me but with all the fighting I foresee, I don't think that should happen. Do I break it off now and save both of us the headaches ,or do I ride it out and hope for the best? I don't know what to do, but I know that nothing about these next few months with her are going to be good.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You don't have to convince me! I'm on-board with what you say you want -- and you've already realized you can't make her happy and have the lifestyle you have chosen. I take this line to heart "I'm not willing to subjugate my feelings to make her happy." Okay, that's fine. I don't think she should want to change you, either. If she tries, she ends up being nothing more than a nagging parent. She shouldn't want that and, surely, there's a guy out there for her who wants a commitment, and doesn't party hardy with his friends -- and sees her when he's hungover, or too spent to get it up (I apologize on that one if you're a stud). Do not do anymore more than you think you can do, or you'll end up resenting the hell out of this woman. If a person is up for change, it has to be heartfelt and done for his (or her) own good. Yes, compromise is nice, but it can't be done begrudgingly. Coercion is another word for losing your freedom -- and only you would be to blame for that. I say, follow your instincts on this one. You aren't ready to settle into a committed relationship. But it comes at a cost, like most things in life. I'm sure you're willing to pay it because, doing anything else is going against your very nature at this moment in time. She won't understand how you feel if you've said you love her -- but I'm here to tell you, sometimes love isn't enough. When you give, give freely, or you'll end up bitter, my friend.
