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Emotionally Attached To Baby Maker
- By Miss Emily
- Published 05/1/2011
- Relationships - Women
Hi Miss Emily,
I'm a 22 yr old female and I have a problem. I have an ex whom I dated from the time. I was 15 to 20. it was never a sexual relationship(my choice) we were(are) very much in love and even got engaged and planned on having kids. We were financially stable i had money given to me in a will. But we ended up breaking up within a month. He got a woman pregnant woman -- whot he claims to hate. We ended up being off-and-on for a year, or so, while he's dating her. He love me with all his heart. This I know, and I love him too. Hhe tells me how we are gonna live out of the country. basically promising to live my dream with me. When I found out she got pregnant a second time, we broke up, yet remained friends -- but on a different level. I've still never had sex with him. I ended up getting into a relationship with my coworker who is ten yrs older than me. i feel for him just as I do for my ex -- equal, except that I've now had sex. Then, today, I found out she's pregnant a 3rd time(she lost the 2nd baby r.i.p) -- all 3 within 2.5 years. Now he claims he is scared of child support payments if he leaves. I love him, but he can't seem to stop getting her pregnant, and maybe I'm a hypocrit because my boyfriend has 5 kids. I'm not sure how to feel. I'm so confused.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I'm going to be brutal with you. You may have money in the bank, but no sense upstairs. You grew up with this ex, you and he are friends and had a great bond in some profound ways -- but things have dramatically changed. Your ex is either a fool, or a liar. You, the proper girl whom he respects -- and the sexual, fertile girl he's with now. If he hadn't wanted any more children, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out how to avoid it. Hopefully, this girl isn't cheating on him, but that's his problem -- not yours. It is absolutely time for you to grow out of that relationship, and the one you're in now is not the best circumstance, either. Your ex, and this man has kids, and tremendous obligations. At 22, you should start thinking about finding a guy with less baggage. Your ex, whether he stays with "fertile Mertyl" or not is, and will, for some time to come be paying out to support his kids. And you don't want that to rest on your shoulders. I can see that inheritance being drained faster than you can say "Bob's your Uncle!" (an English term). Again, you need to start thinking about your future and what you want from it. In my humble opinion, it's with a guy who can offer you all the things you deserve without putting yourself in the back seat while others drive your life in their direction. Keep that money under lock and key, and be wise about the way you spend it. Invest it with the help of a financial guidance counselor, and check his or her proper credentials before doing it -- so you don't get taken by a crook. There's that old saying, "A fool and his money are soon parted" I don't want to call you a fool, just foolish if you let your heart make decisions that backfire -- and for the long-term. Reassess both relationships, please. Your ex is talking out of both sides of his mouth. And, gee, it must be great to have you as someone he can run to, every time he screws up -- figuratively, and literally! If you don't use common sense, now, you'll have no one but yourself to blame. There's a good future for you without either of these men in it. It's time to see all of this for what it is -- an excuse for not taking charge of your life and doing what's, ultimately, best for you.
I'm a 22 yr old female and I have a problem. I have an ex whom I dated from the time. I was 15 to 20. it was never a sexual relationship(my choice) we were(are) very much in love and even got engaged and planned on having kids. We were financially stable i had money given to me in a will. But we ended up breaking up within a month. He got a woman pregnant woman -- whot he claims to hate. We ended up being off-and-on for a year, or so, while he's dating her. He love me with all his heart. This I know, and I love him too. Hhe tells me how we are gonna live out of the country. basically promising to live my dream with me. When I found out she got pregnant a second time, we broke up, yet remained friends -- but on a different level. I've still never had sex with him. I ended up getting into a relationship with my coworker who is ten yrs older than me. i feel for him just as I do for my ex -- equal, except that I've now had sex. Then, today, I found out she's pregnant a 3rd time(she lost the 2nd baby r.i.p) -- all 3 within 2.5 years. Now he claims he is scared of child support payments if he leaves. I love him, but he can't seem to stop getting her pregnant, and maybe I'm a hypocrit because my boyfriend has 5 kids. I'm not sure how to feel. I'm so confused.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I'm going to be brutal with you. You may have money in the bank, but no sense upstairs. You grew up with this ex, you and he are friends and had a great bond in some profound ways -- but things have dramatically changed. Your ex is either a fool, or a liar. You, the proper girl whom he respects -- and the sexual, fertile girl he's with now. If he hadn't wanted any more children, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out how to avoid it. Hopefully, this girl isn't cheating on him, but that's his problem -- not yours. It is absolutely time for you to grow out of that relationship, and the one you're in now is not the best circumstance, either. Your ex, and this man has kids, and tremendous obligations. At 22, you should start thinking about finding a guy with less baggage. Your ex, whether he stays with "fertile Mertyl" or not is, and will, for some time to come be paying out to support his kids. And you don't want that to rest on your shoulders. I can see that inheritance being drained faster than you can say "Bob's your Uncle!" (an English term). Again, you need to start thinking about your future and what you want from it. In my humble opinion, it's with a guy who can offer you all the things you deserve without putting yourself in the back seat while others drive your life in their direction. Keep that money under lock and key, and be wise about the way you spend it. Invest it with the help of a financial guidance counselor, and check his or her proper credentials before doing it -- so you don't get taken by a crook. There's that old saying, "A fool and his money are soon parted" I don't want to call you a fool, just foolish if you let your heart make decisions that backfire -- and for the long-term. Reassess both relationships, please. Your ex is talking out of both sides of his mouth. And, gee, it must be great to have you as someone he can run to, every time he screws up -- figuratively, and literally! If you don't use common sense, now, you'll have no one but yourself to blame. There's a good future for you without either of these men in it. It's time to see all of this for what it is -- an excuse for not taking charge of your life and doing what's, ultimately, best for you.
