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Huge Heart Or Something Else
- By Miss Emily
- Published 04/29/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My boyfriend has a huge heart. His current " best friend" is an ex heroin addict but also quite rude and disturbing as well. He happens to not only be obsessed with my bf but my sister as well. I have this stronge feeling he is trying to replace me in this relationship. My bf thinks I'm being jealous and. not compassionate towards his friend who needs help.I think he needs professional help and he should leave my bf alone. This "ex" drug addict is like a child. I can't take it. I love my bf! I'd love to grow with him and start a family, but this person is taking up all his and my time. I don't know what to do? I've already talked to him about feeling uncomfortable and he respects that. We are having a hard time finding a compromise. Help!!! Im sorry if this didn't make sense. Im desperate.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
Yes, it did make sense, and it's unfortunate. What ever affinity your bf has for this guy, it's interfering with your relationship. Your boyfriend should be able to set boundaries, and put your interests over this "needy" leech. He may "respect" that you feel uncomfortable about his friend, but he has no intention of doing anything about it, apparently. His big heart is an excuse for being cowardly, or he simply wants, or needs this guy in his life for whatever reason. You are, essentially, taking a back seat to this friend -- and that should tell you all you need to know. If your boyfriend were engaged in a "normal" relationship with this guy, rather that one of enabling, it would be different. This is the kind of man you say you want a future with -- to have a family? I'd think twice about that. Trust me, a guy who can't say "No" to an ex drug addict -- allows him in his life to this degree, and ignores your feelings on the subject will not make a good husband. These so-called "good guys" often put their girlfriends or spouses behind others in order to maintain their "good guy" status. They need it. That's their drug! I would tell him you don't want to be around when his friend is there, and you''ll see him when he's not tied-up with him. If you make allowances for this, you're only asking for trouble down the line. Your boyfriend must make you his priority if you and he are ever going to have any success in this partnership.
My boyfriend has a huge heart. His current " best friend" is an ex heroin addict but also quite rude and disturbing as well. He happens to not only be obsessed with my bf but my sister as well. I have this stronge feeling he is trying to replace me in this relationship. My bf thinks I'm being jealous and. not compassionate towards his friend who needs help.I think he needs professional help and he should leave my bf alone. This "ex" drug addict is like a child. I can't take it. I love my bf! I'd love to grow with him and start a family, but this person is taking up all his and my time. I don't know what to do? I've already talked to him about feeling uncomfortable and he respects that. We are having a hard time finding a compromise. Help!!! Im sorry if this didn't make sense. Im desperate.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
Yes, it did make sense, and it's unfortunate. What ever affinity your bf has for this guy, it's interfering with your relationship. Your boyfriend should be able to set boundaries, and put your interests over this "needy" leech. He may "respect" that you feel uncomfortable about his friend, but he has no intention of doing anything about it, apparently. His big heart is an excuse for being cowardly, or he simply wants, or needs this guy in his life for whatever reason. You are, essentially, taking a back seat to this friend -- and that should tell you all you need to know. If your boyfriend were engaged in a "normal" relationship with this guy, rather that one of enabling, it would be different. This is the kind of man you say you want a future with -- to have a family? I'd think twice about that. Trust me, a guy who can't say "No" to an ex drug addict -- allows him in his life to this degree, and ignores your feelings on the subject will not make a good husband. These so-called "good guys" often put their girlfriends or spouses behind others in order to maintain their "good guy" status. They need it. That's their drug! I would tell him you don't want to be around when his friend is there, and you''ll see him when he's not tied-up with him. If you make allowances for this, you're only asking for trouble down the line. Your boyfriend must make you his priority if you and he are ever going to have any success in this partnership.
