Dear Miss Emily:
I'm 18 year old girl, a
high school senior ready to graduate, and from day one I have been with the same
boy. He is a year older and graduated last year. Our four year
relationship has been quite the roller coaster, this being my first
relationship. We really have our ups and downs and, at different points in
the relationship, we have both questioned whether this was what we
wanted. Last week, I was hanging out with one of my best guy friends,
whom I've known for just as long as my boyfriend, and I found
myself in a situation where I felt like I wanted to just kiss him. I
quickly left. I am a big believer in not cheating, but I feel like I
might be missing out on being young and everything. It feels like I am
already in a married relationship. I love him as a person, but
I'm not sure this is what I want. I'm going away to
college next year, leaving my boyfriend back in my hometown.
I'm not sure what to do. I never want to cheat in my life,
it' so painful for the other person, but I can't
help but wonder what I'm missing. I'm scared to
leave, because I've never done this before. Is staying
together really the best option? How can I be sure if this relationship
is as good as it gets, when I have had nothing to compare.
I'll be living off on my own next year, and I'm
scared I'll let my feelings get the best of me, and cheat.
Along with my guy friend, I still wonder what it would be like to kiss
him. What should I
do?
----------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------
When you
stay with someone as long as you have, and at such an early age, it's
next to impossible to not feel the way you do. Of course you care for
him. You've grown up together, in many ways, and you are friends at the
core. But a relationship can run its course, and this may be the case
for you and him. The attraction you have for this other guy makes
you feel disloyal, but it is a symptom of your present feelings. You do
want to have some new experiences, a broader outlook on life, and I
think it's absolutely imperative you follow that path. College will
offer you a new world of opportunity, and part of it will include the
relationships you make there. To stay in this relationship,
at the onset of college, would be a
poor choice knowing how you feel. I don't know if you and he will find
your way back to each other, but I think it could only happen if you
have the freedom, now, to do some growing separate
from each other. Sit down and talk this out with him. He may be having
the same feelings as you. When you're off at college he, too, may want
to try dating other girls and have the opportunity to go beyond what he
knows now. I'm not promoting a clean break with him. It
would be best to see each other, at times, and make an effort to
transition into friendship, only -- but if not, that can't be the
deciding factor on setting your sails in a new direction. In the future, if you do find your way back to each other, it would happen
out of choice -- not obligation. Only then will you know, for sure -- but
not to know, brings you back to the reason you wrote to me.
