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He Called For A Break-up
- By Miss Emily
- Published 04/12/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily,
I've been with my bf for 2 years. Recently, we've been fighting a lot but just make up like normal.. Well, yesterday, we got into a fight because I invited him to dinner with some friends and one of them doesn't like my bf, so he didn't want to go. I was upset, and I told him he should do that for me because I do it all the time. Well, the whole day we were arguing, he called me to make me feel better and then we argued more. I later called him, and he was talking to me pretty bad and I told him not to talk to me like that. He said "I can say whatever i want." Then, I said "Then break up with me (a few times), and he said "OK fine." I called him back a few minutes later, and i apologized. He said "No it's too late.. you changed my feelings. You hurt me really bad. He told me I should have fixed it from the beginning, and maybe its just time. Well, I saw him the next day to give him his stuff..where we talked for 3 hours. He said the arguing was too much and that it's over..and he just feels different and he just wants to focus on school. I told him that we should just fix it. He said "I CAN'T My feelings changed. You hurt me really bad and what's done is done. Well, we said we would be really good friends. and he kept hugging me and we kept kissing, and he said he still loved me and cared for me... but he said we still cant date because his feelings were hurt. He even cried. He still kissed me, and hugged and held hands, and I just feel he still does even though he says it's over. Please help. What is he thinking? Will we get back together? He said, eventually, we can hang out again when we get over it. We're both 24.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
It's highly possible that this final argument gave your boyfriend the impetus to follow through on what he'd been thinking he wanted for a while, now. Arguments wear out relationships and, unless the problems that cause them are solved, erosion continues to take place. Of course, he didn't change his feelings for you that fast, and it has to have been over time. Perhaps he tried to tell you, in his way, but you weren't listening -- or he simply stuffed it until now. He did play up on it, however, but some of the reason might be because he wants you to feel the greater share of the blame. I would take him at his word, for now, and be as understanding as you can. It seems that both of you are at a crossroads in the relationship, and time is needed to think about where it should go. After all, it was you who said, "Well, then, why don't you break up with me?" He saw an opening, and he took it -- but maybe you've had it with not seeing eye-to-eye, as well. He could change his mind and want to get back together. But, right now, that's an unknown, and I'd give him the space he wants in order to miss what he had, if indeed, that is the case. Use this time for your own introspection.
I've been with my bf for 2 years. Recently, we've been fighting a lot but just make up like normal.. Well, yesterday, we got into a fight because I invited him to dinner with some friends and one of them doesn't like my bf, so he didn't want to go. I was upset, and I told him he should do that for me because I do it all the time. Well, the whole day we were arguing, he called me to make me feel better and then we argued more. I later called him, and he was talking to me pretty bad and I told him not to talk to me like that. He said "I can say whatever i want." Then, I said "Then break up with me (a few times), and he said "OK fine." I called him back a few minutes later, and i apologized. He said "No it's too late.. you changed my feelings. You hurt me really bad. He told me I should have fixed it from the beginning, and maybe its just time. Well, I saw him the next day to give him his stuff..where we talked for 3 hours. He said the arguing was too much and that it's over..and he just feels different and he just wants to focus on school. I told him that we should just fix it. He said "I CAN'T My feelings changed. You hurt me really bad and what's done is done. Well, we said we would be really good friends. and he kept hugging me and we kept kissing, and he said he still loved me and cared for me... but he said we still cant date because his feelings were hurt. He even cried. He still kissed me, and hugged and held hands, and I just feel he still does even though he says it's over. Please help. What is he thinking? Will we get back together? He said, eventually, we can hang out again when we get over it. We're both 24.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
It's highly possible that this final argument gave your boyfriend the impetus to follow through on what he'd been thinking he wanted for a while, now. Arguments wear out relationships and, unless the problems that cause them are solved, erosion continues to take place. Of course, he didn't change his feelings for you that fast, and it has to have been over time. Perhaps he tried to tell you, in his way, but you weren't listening -- or he simply stuffed it until now. He did play up on it, however, but some of the reason might be because he wants you to feel the greater share of the blame. I would take him at his word, for now, and be as understanding as you can. It seems that both of you are at a crossroads in the relationship, and time is needed to think about where it should go. After all, it was you who said, "Well, then, why don't you break up with me?" He saw an opening, and he took it -- but maybe you've had it with not seeing eye-to-eye, as well. He could change his mind and want to get back together. But, right now, that's an unknown, and I'd give him the space he wants in order to miss what he had, if indeed, that is the case. Use this time for your own introspection.
