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More Problems Than Long-distance
- By Miss Emily
- Published 04/10/2011
- Relationships - Women
Miss Emily,
A couple of months, ago, I met a man online. I wasn't communicating with people online to find a relationship/friendship, but I made some really good friends and we exchanged numbers. I talked a lot with one man in particular and I started to find myself very attracted to his personality, and he said the same for me. We started flirting more. We talk on the phone, every day or text, and sometimes we talk on the phone while watching movies and stuff like that. I'm not in a relationship with this man. I told him we need to at least meet in person first, but we both really want to be. I live in Pennsylvania, and he lives in Utah. He wants me to visit this summer, but I don't think I'll be able to because my parents will definitely not let me go visit a man I met online. I'm 20 years old, and, clearly, capable of making my own decisions and paying for it -- but I don't have my own place, yet, and until I live on my own (I'm moving out next summer when I transfer to my college's main campus), I have to abide by their rules or I'll be kicked out. Plus, they probably wouldn't approve of this whole situation anyway because he is 10 years older than me. This isn't a problem for me because I'm not usually attracted to men my age. He has work so he can't really visit me, and I will be in college for 3 more years. I really like this man to the point where I don't even care that he is not very physically attractive to most people. I'm so attracted to his personality that he doesn't even feel unattractive to me. I sometimes feel like I love him, and I cry over what to do sometimes.
I don't find myself unattractive, so I'm not doing this because I have trouble meeting men. This all sort of just happened, and I've already gotten in pretty deep. Does this all seem worth it in your opinion? I'm so lost right, and my emotions are so screwed up I can't think straight. I really need some advice.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
Unfortunately, a level head is what you're going to need to deal with this situation. You respect your parents and understand that they would be opposed to you going to Utah to meet a man. He's not only ten years your senior -- but someone whom you trust with no face-time to gauge his sincerity, or real intentions -- no concrete knowledge of his world other than what he tells you. Now, that said, he may be a perfectly lovely man, but there are so many gray areas in situations like these, it's best to be exceedingly careful. Work may interfere with him coming to visit you, but you have greater restrictions. Even if he did come to see you, you'd have to meet him someplace without your parents knowledge, and there's risk in that. My instincts tell me you should take a pass on this relationship getting any more involved. It's too risky to go against your parents wishes, and you have a whole year before moving out. I'd tell him that visiting him is not something you can do under your present circumstances. I know you're thinking you'll miss out on a great relationship if you keep things on a "friendship" basis, only, but finding the right person is also dependent on where you are at that particular time in your life. The deck is stacked against you, and I would rather see you use your head on this one, than let your heart rule the day. Long-distance relationships are hard in the best circumstances -- when mobility and finances are not an issue -- but this one may be nothing more than a bundle of frustration because of the limitations in both your lives.
A couple of months, ago, I met a man online. I wasn't communicating with people online to find a relationship/friendship, but I made some really good friends and we exchanged numbers. I talked a lot with one man in particular and I started to find myself very attracted to his personality, and he said the same for me. We started flirting more. We talk on the phone, every day or text, and sometimes we talk on the phone while watching movies and stuff like that. I'm not in a relationship with this man. I told him we need to at least meet in person first, but we both really want to be. I live in Pennsylvania, and he lives in Utah. He wants me to visit this summer, but I don't think I'll be able to because my parents will definitely not let me go visit a man I met online. I'm 20 years old, and, clearly, capable of making my own decisions and paying for it -- but I don't have my own place, yet, and until I live on my own (I'm moving out next summer when I transfer to my college's main campus), I have to abide by their rules or I'll be kicked out. Plus, they probably wouldn't approve of this whole situation anyway because he is 10 years older than me. This isn't a problem for me because I'm not usually attracted to men my age. He has work so he can't really visit me, and I will be in college for 3 more years. I really like this man to the point where I don't even care that he is not very physically attractive to most people. I'm so attracted to his personality that he doesn't even feel unattractive to me. I sometimes feel like I love him, and I cry over what to do sometimes.
I don't find myself unattractive, so I'm not doing this because I have trouble meeting men. This all sort of just happened, and I've already gotten in pretty deep. Does this all seem worth it in your opinion? I'm so lost right, and my emotions are so screwed up I can't think straight. I really need some advice.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
Unfortunately, a level head is what you're going to need to deal with this situation. You respect your parents and understand that they would be opposed to you going to Utah to meet a man. He's not only ten years your senior -- but someone whom you trust with no face-time to gauge his sincerity, or real intentions -- no concrete knowledge of his world other than what he tells you. Now, that said, he may be a perfectly lovely man, but there are so many gray areas in situations like these, it's best to be exceedingly careful. Work may interfere with him coming to visit you, but you have greater restrictions. Even if he did come to see you, you'd have to meet him someplace without your parents knowledge, and there's risk in that. My instincts tell me you should take a pass on this relationship getting any more involved. It's too risky to go against your parents wishes, and you have a whole year before moving out. I'd tell him that visiting him is not something you can do under your present circumstances. I know you're thinking you'll miss out on a great relationship if you keep things on a "friendship" basis, only, but finding the right person is also dependent on where you are at that particular time in your life. The deck is stacked against you, and I would rather see you use your head on this one, than let your heart rule the day. Long-distance relationships are hard in the best circumstances -- when mobility and finances are not an issue -- but this one may be nothing more than a bundle of frustration because of the limitations in both your lives.
