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Deal Breaker?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 04/5/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily,
I'm a 32 year old female and in a relationship with a guy (who is 4 years younger than me) for the past 6 years. Last couple of months have been the worst for me in this relationship since we discussed marriage. But he keeps saying "I want to marry you but can't because my parents won't accept this." I'm totally hurt by this and feel like breaking it off, thinking there is no future for us here. It's confusing for me that he pretends nothing is wrong in our relationship and just continues with this relationship without talking about the future. On top of this, I just read one of his old chat sessions from Oct 2010 between him and one of his close male co-worker where my BF writes "There are more females in my work area now, there is one I kind of like...Sarah, she's real easy on the eyes." I confronted him with this and he says it's nothing, while I expressed my anger and can't get over it. At that point, he tried to pin false accusations on me concerning my male co-workers. Do normal BFs say such things? Am I wrong to be offended? At this point I feel I should break it off. Please advice.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
You made an excellent case for breaking up with him. He tries to shift his guilt concerning the comment he made about his co-worker to you. I call that slight-of-mind. You suddenly become the perpetrator, when you are actually the victim! Amazing, and some people are masterful at this emotional con game. His parents would never approve of a marriage to you, he has a wondering eye, and you're supposed to be guilty to deflect his bad behavior. Wow, what's not to love? I'd get out of this relationship fast. He shows little respect for a woman who has devoted all these years to him but, he, basically, sides with his parents that you aren't marriage material.
I'm a 32 year old female and in a relationship with a guy (who is 4 years younger than me) for the past 6 years. Last couple of months have been the worst for me in this relationship since we discussed marriage. But he keeps saying "I want to marry you but can't because my parents won't accept this." I'm totally hurt by this and feel like breaking it off, thinking there is no future for us here. It's confusing for me that he pretends nothing is wrong in our relationship and just continues with this relationship without talking about the future. On top of this, I just read one of his old chat sessions from Oct 2010 between him and one of his close male co-worker where my BF writes "There are more females in my work area now, there is one I kind of like...Sarah, she's real easy on the eyes." I confronted him with this and he says it's nothing, while I expressed my anger and can't get over it. At that point, he tried to pin false accusations on me concerning my male co-workers. Do normal BFs say such things? Am I wrong to be offended? At this point I feel I should break it off. Please advice.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
You made an excellent case for breaking up with him. He tries to shift his guilt concerning the comment he made about his co-worker to you. I call that slight-of-mind. You suddenly become the perpetrator, when you are actually the victim! Amazing, and some people are masterful at this emotional con game. His parents would never approve of a marriage to you, he has a wondering eye, and you're supposed to be guilty to deflect his bad behavior. Wow, what's not to love? I'd get out of this relationship fast. He shows little respect for a woman who has devoted all these years to him but, he, basically, sides with his parents that you aren't marriage material.
