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- Ex Clouds The Relationship
Ex Clouds The Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 04/5/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and living with him for 1. From the beginning of the relationship, he has done some things that have in turn made me feel like he is not over his ex. She was his first love and first heartbreak. apparently he had a tough time. They had been broken up for at least a year when we started dating. I found panties and bras of hers in his drawer still, he said he was holding on to in order to get some of his things back from her. He refused to takes pics of them kissing off of his facebook for 6 months until I threatened to break up with him. He told me many times that he promises there is nothing there anymore, and he has moved on and that he would never talk to her again. This Thanksgiving, I found out that they have been emailing each other for over 3 months behind my back, which he initiated. He wasn't being sexual, but they were definitely flirting. This has hurt me beyond belief. The fact that he lied to me for so long, but even more so, now I feel like he still has feelings for her and that I'm kind of second best behind her. Now he is begging and pleading of course for me not to leave him, saying he made a big mistake and that thats all it was. That he should have never contacted her and that I am the one, and blah blah blah. How do I even trust this guy again if he is capable of that after 2 years? What should I do? What should I believe? Was it a mistake. and he just wasn't thinking and I should try to forgive him, or should I have left him by now? Please help.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
He knew what he was doing, and so the apology is more about being caught. Personally, I would not want to live with this hanging over my head. He may love you, but I don't think he's over her. Even if it's that first love yearning, or a need for closure, he seems to be using a "two brain" approach to his relationship with you and her. One space has her in it, the other you. Well, that wouldn't be good enough for me. If I were to give my whole heart to one man, I would expect the same in return. I think a break is in order. Let him get this out of his system. If he can, he will come back to you willing to make you number one in his life. If he can't, you freed him to go back to her to do unfinished business, or at least learn a lesson about choices and responsibility.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and living with him for 1. From the beginning of the relationship, he has done some things that have in turn made me feel like he is not over his ex. She was his first love and first heartbreak. apparently he had a tough time. They had been broken up for at least a year when we started dating. I found panties and bras of hers in his drawer still, he said he was holding on to in order to get some of his things back from her. He refused to takes pics of them kissing off of his facebook for 6 months until I threatened to break up with him. He told me many times that he promises there is nothing there anymore, and he has moved on and that he would never talk to her again. This Thanksgiving, I found out that they have been emailing each other for over 3 months behind my back, which he initiated. He wasn't being sexual, but they were definitely flirting. This has hurt me beyond belief. The fact that he lied to me for so long, but even more so, now I feel like he still has feelings for her and that I'm kind of second best behind her. Now he is begging and pleading of course for me not to leave him, saying he made a big mistake and that thats all it was. That he should have never contacted her and that I am the one, and blah blah blah. How do I even trust this guy again if he is capable of that after 2 years? What should I do? What should I believe? Was it a mistake. and he just wasn't thinking and I should try to forgive him, or should I have left him by now? Please help.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
He knew what he was doing, and so the apology is more about being caught. Personally, I would not want to live with this hanging over my head. He may love you, but I don't think he's over her. Even if it's that first love yearning, or a need for closure, he seems to be using a "two brain" approach to his relationship with you and her. One space has her in it, the other you. Well, that wouldn't be good enough for me. If I were to give my whole heart to one man, I would expect the same in return. I think a break is in order. Let him get this out of his system. If he can, he will come back to you willing to make you number one in his life. If he can't, you freed him to go back to her to do unfinished business, or at least learn a lesson about choices and responsibility.
