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Rekindled Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 04/5/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Recently I have begun a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We dated ten years ago. We dated for two years, the relationship was wonderful, however. Both of us were in the military and had gotten separated. Not wishing to try a long distance relationship, and chance being hurt, I decided to end the relationship. When I ended it my ex and I had ten long years of horrible relationships with other people. However, we both said in contact never disclosing our yearning to be with one another again. Out of respect for their current partner. My ex had a baby with another woman, and I had gotten married, then divorced from a horrible man. For the last three years my ex and I hadn't talked he thought I had moved on, and I thought the same as him. However, about a month ago I was taking a trip down state and the girl who was suppose to come with me canceled the night before the trip. I knew I could not make the trip alone and thought to divide the trip in half, so it just so happened the half way mark was in the same town and state of my ex. So I chucked up the nerve to contact him again, with hopes that he wouldn't be attached, and it wouldn't be a problem if I could stay awhile to regain my energy to finish the trip. To my delight, he was single and so was I. We both had been for some time. He was really excited and stayed on the phone with me till I arrived. When I got there, I thought it would be awkward, but it wasn't. We couldn't stop talking and he took me to see all his family. To my surprise, they all had remembered me and were so nice. After which we finally made it to his house so I could get some rest. Well, before I knew it, I was in his arms again and everything seemed right. I left the next morning promising to return on my way back. While I left I decided to cut my trip short to go back to him. We spent every waking moment with one another. As the day came for me to leave he asked that I come live with him. I didn't know what to say. at first, because I actually was planning on moving from my current location. I researched his area and found that his location had more jobs available that matched my degree then my current location. I felt in my heart that the truth was I missed him, and I always have. So I decided to take the leap of faith. I have been busy selling off my stuff and packing my things. We have been apart for two weeks, now, and talk for hours on a daily basis. However, the other night while we were on the phone, he told me to hold on and then all of a sudden his phone hung up. I called it back, but it went straight to voice mail. I kept calling and calling, and I also sent text messages and stayed logged into facebook all day hoping he would log in and tell me what had happened. Needless to say, he didn't contact me again till 8pm the next day. He said his phone had died and that he had returned the charger to his friend because he had lost his charger -- but of course he also had a counsel that could charge his phone. He also said that he was at work from eleven to 7pm so he was unable to charge his phone in the car. When I was married my husband cheated on me, constantly, so now I am quick to cut a guy off if I feel he is not being true. But with this guy. I don't know what to do. I haven't responded to any of his messages or calls, because I am really upset and do not know what to think at this point. I mean, was he just being inconsiderate? Was he really just not thinking? Or was he with someone else and turned his phone off? I am about to make a big move to be with him, and I just don't want it to be a big mistake. My heart is telling me that he truly just had issues with his phone and didn't bother with it till after work. My head is telling me that either he is hiding something, or just an inconsiderate person. What do you think Emily?
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I understand your concern, especially after having some difficult relationships in the last ten years, and a marriage to a jerk. I want to rule out that he has someone else in his life because he asked you to move in with him, and he took you to see his family. The fact that you and he were cut off so abruptly, warranted a faster response than 8 p.m. the next night. It would have been a caring, and responsible thing to do. For all you knew, someone broke into his house and held him at gunpoint. And I hope it wouldn't be the mother of his child! I would iron this out with him, and it can be done without going ballistic or using an accusing tone. Also add, "Please understand that I am in the process of deciding whether or not to make this move, and I need absolute honesty, and respect in our relationship. If there's anything I need to know, please tell me now." Find out what he has to say. If satisfied, from there you have a couple choices: Visit him, again, and vice-versa, before you make the leap. He should be willing to take it slow in order to get it right, because it's a big decision to make. Choice two: If the job market is good there, and leaving your current location is not a huge deal, move to his area -- but get your own place for a while. To plunk yourself down in the middle of his home, and his life, without easing back into it could be a mistake. Ten years have passed, and although you and he may work for a lifetime, it might be prudent to show some independence prior to making a commitment based on only a few days together. If, by chance, you found it hard to "go home again" at least you're in your own place and, hopefully, with a good job, and new friends to soften the blow.
Recently I have begun a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We dated ten years ago. We dated for two years, the relationship was wonderful, however. Both of us were in the military and had gotten separated. Not wishing to try a long distance relationship, and chance being hurt, I decided to end the relationship. When I ended it my ex and I had ten long years of horrible relationships with other people. However, we both said in contact never disclosing our yearning to be with one another again. Out of respect for their current partner. My ex had a baby with another woman, and I had gotten married, then divorced from a horrible man. For the last three years my ex and I hadn't talked he thought I had moved on, and I thought the same as him. However, about a month ago I was taking a trip down state and the girl who was suppose to come with me canceled the night before the trip. I knew I could not make the trip alone and thought to divide the trip in half, so it just so happened the half way mark was in the same town and state of my ex. So I chucked up the nerve to contact him again, with hopes that he wouldn't be attached, and it wouldn't be a problem if I could stay awhile to regain my energy to finish the trip. To my delight, he was single and so was I. We both had been for some time. He was really excited and stayed on the phone with me till I arrived. When I got there, I thought it would be awkward, but it wasn't. We couldn't stop talking and he took me to see all his family. To my surprise, they all had remembered me and were so nice. After which we finally made it to his house so I could get some rest. Well, before I knew it, I was in his arms again and everything seemed right. I left the next morning promising to return on my way back. While I left I decided to cut my trip short to go back to him. We spent every waking moment with one another. As the day came for me to leave he asked that I come live with him. I didn't know what to say. at first, because I actually was planning on moving from my current location. I researched his area and found that his location had more jobs available that matched my degree then my current location. I felt in my heart that the truth was I missed him, and I always have. So I decided to take the leap of faith. I have been busy selling off my stuff and packing my things. We have been apart for two weeks, now, and talk for hours on a daily basis. However, the other night while we were on the phone, he told me to hold on and then all of a sudden his phone hung up. I called it back, but it went straight to voice mail. I kept calling and calling, and I also sent text messages and stayed logged into facebook all day hoping he would log in and tell me what had happened. Needless to say, he didn't contact me again till 8pm the next day. He said his phone had died and that he had returned the charger to his friend because he had lost his charger -- but of course he also had a counsel that could charge his phone. He also said that he was at work from eleven to 7pm so he was unable to charge his phone in the car. When I was married my husband cheated on me, constantly, so now I am quick to cut a guy off if I feel he is not being true. But with this guy. I don't know what to do. I haven't responded to any of his messages or calls, because I am really upset and do not know what to think at this point. I mean, was he just being inconsiderate? Was he really just not thinking? Or was he with someone else and turned his phone off? I am about to make a big move to be with him, and I just don't want it to be a big mistake. My heart is telling me that he truly just had issues with his phone and didn't bother with it till after work. My head is telling me that either he is hiding something, or just an inconsiderate person. What do you think Emily?
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I understand your concern, especially after having some difficult relationships in the last ten years, and a marriage to a jerk. I want to rule out that he has someone else in his life because he asked you to move in with him, and he took you to see his family. The fact that you and he were cut off so abruptly, warranted a faster response than 8 p.m. the next night. It would have been a caring, and responsible thing to do. For all you knew, someone broke into his house and held him at gunpoint. And I hope it wouldn't be the mother of his child! I would iron this out with him, and it can be done without going ballistic or using an accusing tone. Also add, "Please understand that I am in the process of deciding whether or not to make this move, and I need absolute honesty, and respect in our relationship. If there's anything I need to know, please tell me now." Find out what he has to say. If satisfied, from there you have a couple choices: Visit him, again, and vice-versa, before you make the leap. He should be willing to take it slow in order to get it right, because it's a big decision to make. Choice two: If the job market is good there, and leaving your current location is not a huge deal, move to his area -- but get your own place for a while. To plunk yourself down in the middle of his home, and his life, without easing back into it could be a mistake. Ten years have passed, and although you and he may work for a lifetime, it might be prudent to show some independence prior to making a commitment based on only a few days together. If, by chance, you found it hard to "go home again" at least you're in your own place and, hopefully, with a good job, and new friends to soften the blow.
