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Flirty Friendship But No More?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 04/2/2011
- Relationships - Women
Hi Emily,
I met this guy almost a year ago now. It started off as an attraction with constant flirting and the occasional make out. We quickly became best friends. We spend every day together. One time, things started to get a little steamy (no sex though) the next couple days I didn't hear from him. He later called me and said he's been thinking and as much as it kills him, he can't be more then just friends because he doesn't want to lose me. It was a little awkward the first week, but after that it's been the same. Constant sexual tension and the occasional make out. When we're out. he'll joke around about sleeping together and that I couldn't handle it -- and do things like rub my leg. Now, when we're out and I'm talking to another guy, he gets mad. I can't wait around for him to wake up and go for it. I don't know what to do anymore. We've both remained single since we've met...it's really getting old!
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
It's clear that you're going to have to take the bull by the horns, because his words do not match his actions. If you and he are going to be friends, only, then be just that, but he has to knock this off and control his hormonal urges toward you. Saying you couldn't handle sleeping with him is the most absurd remark he's made. It would seem to me, it's he who is having trouble with that concept and he's projecting those feelings onto you. The only way he's going to back off is to sit him down, tell him he set the rules for the relationship, and he needs to abide by them. If he wants more, this constitutes a change in his thinking, and you'd be happy to accommodate. But until he tells you he's capable of pursuing a romantic relationship with you, it falls on your lap to remind him of what you stated he wanted, "As much as it kills him, and he wants to, he can't be more then just friends because he doesn't want to lose me." The bases of a quality, romantic relationship is friendship -- and that's why many people in this circumstance are willing to take the risk of it not working out -- just like the possibility of any relationship. He seems to have his own take on things, for whatever the reasons -- and some you may not know. But, whatever, it's high time he stands behind his convictions. If he thinks romance will ruin the friendship, tell him to stop the touchy-feely B S -- and you get your head on straight about it, as well. Emily
I met this guy almost a year ago now. It started off as an attraction with constant flirting and the occasional make out. We quickly became best friends. We spend every day together. One time, things started to get a little steamy (no sex though) the next couple days I didn't hear from him. He later called me and said he's been thinking and as much as it kills him, he can't be more then just friends because he doesn't want to lose me. It was a little awkward the first week, but after that it's been the same. Constant sexual tension and the occasional make out. When we're out. he'll joke around about sleeping together and that I couldn't handle it -- and do things like rub my leg. Now, when we're out and I'm talking to another guy, he gets mad. I can't wait around for him to wake up and go for it. I don't know what to do anymore. We've both remained single since we've met...it's really getting old!
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
It's clear that you're going to have to take the bull by the horns, because his words do not match his actions. If you and he are going to be friends, only, then be just that, but he has to knock this off and control his hormonal urges toward you. Saying you couldn't handle sleeping with him is the most absurd remark he's made. It would seem to me, it's he who is having trouble with that concept and he's projecting those feelings onto you. The only way he's going to back off is to sit him down, tell him he set the rules for the relationship, and he needs to abide by them. If he wants more, this constitutes a change in his thinking, and you'd be happy to accommodate. But until he tells you he's capable of pursuing a romantic relationship with you, it falls on your lap to remind him of what you stated he wanted, "As much as it kills him, and he wants to, he can't be more then just friends because he doesn't want to lose me." The bases of a quality, romantic relationship is friendship -- and that's why many people in this circumstance are willing to take the risk of it not working out -- just like the possibility of any relationship. He seems to have his own take on things, for whatever the reasons -- and some you may not know. But, whatever, it's high time he stands behind his convictions. If he thinks romance will ruin the friendship, tell him to stop the touchy-feely B S -- and you get your head on straight about it, as well. Emily
