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Ex Still In The Picture
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/30/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I started seeing a women whom had just called off a marriage and broke it off with him . We were in a very good place till he came back and decided he wanted to talk to her. Minus all the gory details, she is fine with me and seems to come to the realization that she can not be friends with him right now because he still wants it/her, and she seems to be able to be numb to him when he is not around. It's only when she sees him that as she describes 90 to 10 % ratio comes in to play. 90 % of her wants to be with me and, then, 10% is still unsure about him. Whenever he gets to see her, he is fine with her, but as soon as she has seen him or has left after visiting, almost all there conversation turn to arguments. The feeling between us have grown through this situation, but she doesn't know why she cant fully let go or shut that door with him and, once again, it's only when she sees him that this becomes an issue. Just last week, she for the first time said she knows what needs to be done. She knows she needs to tell him they can't be friends, right now, but when she went for a visit (she tried so hard to get out of it but she didn't want to have him eat the price of the airline ticket) she was heading there with all intentions to tell him what she needed to cut him off, but soon as they started to hang out, that 10% became an issue and she couldn't do it anymore. What should i do ? She is always telling me she can't see her life without me in it and has never said that about him! From every description, and all she has told me their relationship, it was a train wreck. Some of her friends have pointed this out to her, but others tell her to go back to him. What should do -- bury the idea of us, and attempt to be just her friend, which he wouldn't allow if she did go back to him, or give up on her all together and move on? I do love her, dearly, and do not want her out of my life to any extent. Please help me.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
You don't have to give me more details, because what you have said is quite enough! In order for you to feel any confidence in this relationship, she needs to end all contact with this ex fiance and be absolutely positive that you should be the only man in her life. She cannot remain just friends with him because he wants more -- and it appears that could be the case for her. Her vulnerability to him speaks volumes, and if you want to protect your heart, you'll back off until she has the guts to make a decision on her relationship with him. You think you want to keep this relationship going until this happens, or even if she went back to him to maintain a friendship (although I agree he wouldn't allow it), but get real. Even if it were a possibility, that would only deepen your love for her and your heartache. Forewarned, is forearmed, and you'd be wise to heed the warning signs.
I started seeing a women whom had just called off a marriage and broke it off with him . We were in a very good place till he came back and decided he wanted to talk to her. Minus all the gory details, she is fine with me and seems to come to the realization that she can not be friends with him right now because he still wants it/her, and she seems to be able to be numb to him when he is not around. It's only when she sees him that as she describes 90 to 10 % ratio comes in to play. 90 % of her wants to be with me and, then, 10% is still unsure about him. Whenever he gets to see her, he is fine with her, but as soon as she has seen him or has left after visiting, almost all there conversation turn to arguments. The feeling between us have grown through this situation, but she doesn't know why she cant fully let go or shut that door with him and, once again, it's only when she sees him that this becomes an issue. Just last week, she for the first time said she knows what needs to be done. She knows she needs to tell him they can't be friends, right now, but when she went for a visit (she tried so hard to get out of it but she didn't want to have him eat the price of the airline ticket) she was heading there with all intentions to tell him what she needed to cut him off, but soon as they started to hang out, that 10% became an issue and she couldn't do it anymore. What should i do ? She is always telling me she can't see her life without me in it and has never said that about him! From every description, and all she has told me their relationship, it was a train wreck. Some of her friends have pointed this out to her, but others tell her to go back to him. What should do -- bury the idea of us, and attempt to be just her friend, which he wouldn't allow if she did go back to him, or give up on her all together and move on? I do love her, dearly, and do not want her out of my life to any extent. Please help me.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
You don't have to give me more details, because what you have said is quite enough! In order for you to feel any confidence in this relationship, she needs to end all contact with this ex fiance and be absolutely positive that you should be the only man in her life. She cannot remain just friends with him because he wants more -- and it appears that could be the case for her. Her vulnerability to him speaks volumes, and if you want to protect your heart, you'll back off until she has the guts to make a decision on her relationship with him. You think you want to keep this relationship going until this happens, or even if she went back to him to maintain a friendship (although I agree he wouldn't allow it), but get real. Even if it were a possibility, that would only deepen your love for her and your heartache. Forewarned, is forearmed, and you'd be wise to heed the warning signs.
