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Gay Relationship Crossroad
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/30/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily,
I am in a relationship with another female and we have been dating for 15 months now. I do love this girl VERY much. She's my best friend and we would do anything for each other. She's the one person I can talk to about anything. I can't picture my life without her. We are pretty much the only thing that each other has got but, for the past 2 months, I have been interested in another man I have met. I have feelings for him. I have been hurt VERY badly by men in the past. It is very hard for me trust men. I want to do the right thing. I want to be able to get married and have another child. I want to be able to love him, because I want these things. I love being around him. He's funny and he treats me like I should be treated. He loves my daughter like his own. The woman I am dating does all of these things also. I have two GREAT people in my life but I am having such a hard time deciding what I want to do. Please give me some advice. I'm caught in between somewhere that is real, and just a dream.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I think you're jumping the gun on a future with him, but wanting marriage and another child is a quest, not a dream. If not with this man, someone else. That's why you need to be perfectly honest with your girlfriend. This is how you feel, and you have that right. If your girlfriend is hurt by this confession, that's something you have to accept - -but it was always going to be the case if you did decide to marry, again. The longer you keep this to yourself, you continue the deception -- and if you truly love this woman, you owe it to her to be honest. I think it's possible to maintain your friendship with her if both of you are on board to handle this is a mature manner. That aside, you are going to have to deal with him digesting your present involvement with this woman if you tell him about her, or risk him finding out, eventually, were you and he to get together. I do not trust that anyone who knows about you and this woman would keep his, or her mouth shut were you want to keep this information from him. It's a tough call if he doesn't already know, and something you have to weigh in terms of risk. If you've been burned by men in the past, it's possible you seek men out of need rather than want. A self-confident woman who is also perceptive about human behavior, heeds warnings early on and avoids the pitfalls of rationalizing an "iffy" relationship. No one has perfect radar on matters of the heart, and people do get burned out of faith and trust but, I think, the way you phrased your problem with men in the past, makes me wonder if you had set yourself up for the hurt.
I am in a relationship with another female and we have been dating for 15 months now. I do love this girl VERY much. She's my best friend and we would do anything for each other. She's the one person I can talk to about anything. I can't picture my life without her. We are pretty much the only thing that each other has got but, for the past 2 months, I have been interested in another man I have met. I have feelings for him. I have been hurt VERY badly by men in the past. It is very hard for me trust men. I want to do the right thing. I want to be able to get married and have another child. I want to be able to love him, because I want these things. I love being around him. He's funny and he treats me like I should be treated. He loves my daughter like his own. The woman I am dating does all of these things also. I have two GREAT people in my life but I am having such a hard time deciding what I want to do. Please give me some advice. I'm caught in between somewhere that is real, and just a dream.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I think you're jumping the gun on a future with him, but wanting marriage and another child is a quest, not a dream. If not with this man, someone else. That's why you need to be perfectly honest with your girlfriend. This is how you feel, and you have that right. If your girlfriend is hurt by this confession, that's something you have to accept - -but it was always going to be the case if you did decide to marry, again. The longer you keep this to yourself, you continue the deception -- and if you truly love this woman, you owe it to her to be honest. I think it's possible to maintain your friendship with her if both of you are on board to handle this is a mature manner. That aside, you are going to have to deal with him digesting your present involvement with this woman if you tell him about her, or risk him finding out, eventually, were you and he to get together. I do not trust that anyone who knows about you and this woman would keep his, or her mouth shut were you want to keep this information from him. It's a tough call if he doesn't already know, and something you have to weigh in terms of risk. If you've been burned by men in the past, it's possible you seek men out of need rather than want. A self-confident woman who is also perceptive about human behavior, heeds warnings early on and avoids the pitfalls of rationalizing an "iffy" relationship. No one has perfect radar on matters of the heart, and people do get burned out of faith and trust but, I think, the way you phrased your problem with men in the past, makes me wonder if you had set yourself up for the hurt.
