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Husband's Correspondence With Past Lover
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/19/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I recently discovered that my husband of 5 years still keeps in touch with a former girlfriend via text messages and phone calls -- mostly initiated by her. He doesn't seem to think this is a big issue since he has no desire to sleep with this woman ever again. He says he doesn't really care for her, it's just that she calls him. Let me also add that he was cheating with this woman when his previous marriage fell apart. Should I be concerned? Should I continue to snoop the telephone records? All I know is that it really makes me angry and hurt.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
He probably has no intentions toward this woman other than occasional correspondence initiated by her, but the fact that it hurts your feelings is something he should be concerned about. You want be first in his life, and he should not be willing to risk his marriage by having correspondence with an ex he says he doesn't even like. It's totally unnecessary to have her in his life in any capacity. I would ask him to cease all correspondence. That would be the right, and respectful thing to do. There was a history with this woman, he cheated on his ex with her, and it's not something that makes you comfortable in your relationship with him. He may come back with a rebuttal -- such as, "if you trust me, this shouldn't be a big deal to you" or "I don't like being told what to do," and your response should simply be "I want you to do it out of love and respect for me, period." If he continues this correspondence (and I won't tell you not to check his messages), only you can decide if it's worth making any more waves, or initiate marriage counseling to help settle this issue, if possible.
I recently discovered that my husband of 5 years still keeps in touch with a former girlfriend via text messages and phone calls -- mostly initiated by her. He doesn't seem to think this is a big issue since he has no desire to sleep with this woman ever again. He says he doesn't really care for her, it's just that she calls him. Let me also add that he was cheating with this woman when his previous marriage fell apart. Should I be concerned? Should I continue to snoop the telephone records? All I know is that it really makes me angry and hurt.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
He probably has no intentions toward this woman other than occasional correspondence initiated by her, but the fact that it hurts your feelings is something he should be concerned about. You want be first in his life, and he should not be willing to risk his marriage by having correspondence with an ex he says he doesn't even like. It's totally unnecessary to have her in his life in any capacity. I would ask him to cease all correspondence. That would be the right, and respectful thing to do. There was a history with this woman, he cheated on his ex with her, and it's not something that makes you comfortable in your relationship with him. He may come back with a rebuttal -- such as, "if you trust me, this shouldn't be a big deal to you" or "I don't like being told what to do," and your response should simply be "I want you to do it out of love and respect for me, period." If he continues this correspondence (and I won't tell you not to check his messages), only you can decide if it's worth making any more waves, or initiate marriage counseling to help settle this issue, if possible.
