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Friendship Breach?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/18/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
Recently, my friend and I haven't really been friends. He goes to a different school. We have always been very good friends but, last weekend, he had a little party for all his close friends and I was invited. I didn't go simply because he lives far away and I was tired. I also didn't know it was for his birthday or else i would have gone in an instant. That night, I had another boy from his school over that he isn't really friends with (dislikes) and he found out. I wasn't trying to be mean but he got really mad. It's been a week now and I need help. I miss him, and i want to be his friend. i don't want him to be mad at me. I need advice on what I should say in my apology. I don't wanna sound like a jerk, but I want to set it out straight so he knows what happened. can you help me?
---------------------------Miss Emily' advice----------------------
Yes, I can help. Tell him what you told me (tired, distance, not knowing it was his birthday), but leave out the contradiction of him being a good friend but "not really being friends" as you stated in your first sentence. It was his birthday, and most people see this as a special occasion. I know, you weren't aware of it -- he's hypersensitive -- but he saw it as a slight because you had someone over and never told him you weren't going to make it. Of course, you had no intention of hurting his feelings but, in retrospect, you see how he could take it that way. Try to get together with him to make up for it. Take him to a movie as a birthday present, or some type of acknowledge. This would be the diplomatic thing to do. The truth is, the distance from each other has put the friendship on a different level. You and he aren't as close. That's often the evolutionary process in a case like this one. But, for now, try to make it up to him despite his knee-jerk reaction. If he's not willing to forgive, that would be a shame -- but if you make an attempt to heal the fissure, that's all you can do.
Recently, my friend and I haven't really been friends. He goes to a different school. We have always been very good friends but, last weekend, he had a little party for all his close friends and I was invited. I didn't go simply because he lives far away and I was tired. I also didn't know it was for his birthday or else i would have gone in an instant. That night, I had another boy from his school over that he isn't really friends with (dislikes) and he found out. I wasn't trying to be mean but he got really mad. It's been a week now and I need help. I miss him, and i want to be his friend. i don't want him to be mad at me. I need advice on what I should say in my apology. I don't wanna sound like a jerk, but I want to set it out straight so he knows what happened. can you help me?
---------------------------Miss Emily' advice----------------------
Yes, I can help. Tell him what you told me (tired, distance, not knowing it was his birthday), but leave out the contradiction of him being a good friend but "not really being friends" as you stated in your first sentence. It was his birthday, and most people see this as a special occasion. I know, you weren't aware of it -- he's hypersensitive -- but he saw it as a slight because you had someone over and never told him you weren't going to make it. Of course, you had no intention of hurting his feelings but, in retrospect, you see how he could take it that way. Try to get together with him to make up for it. Take him to a movie as a birthday present, or some type of acknowledge. This would be the diplomatic thing to do. The truth is, the distance from each other has put the friendship on a different level. You and he aren't as close. That's often the evolutionary process in a case like this one. But, for now, try to make it up to him despite his knee-jerk reaction. If he's not willing to forgive, that would be a shame -- but if you make an attempt to heal the fissure, that's all you can do.
