"S" you sent me the wrong e-mail for a return. Your letter was too long to post, but here is my advice:

I think you need to be straight with yourself about this -- you lied to him, not out of love, but out of fear. And that fear is related, as you said, to how you felt about yourself at the time. The age difference was never a big deal, but that tells me the level of your insecurity at that time. Thankfully, that period in your life is behind you. If you've told him the complete truth, I think all you can do is  tell him, "I can't be more honest with you about my past. I had no relationship, before, and I think that is something I would have easily admitted because it would have made me feel more together at a time I, obviously, was not." This has been a huge lesson for you, and you've paid dearly. What you finally did was to abandon false pride, and that is liberating. It frees you to be accepted for who you are -- and not something you pretend to be. You've gone through a rough period, and you've done a great job in improving the quality of your life. If your boyfriend does not see fit to forgive  and trust you, again (and I hope he does), you will have no other choice but to soldier on with the same determination you've had in the past. Does it hurt? You bet. Will you survive? Absolutely. You now know that honesty is the best policy, and there is seldom reason to lie. Any future relationship, were this to not work out, will have every chance of succeeding because now you are a strong, confident woman. And that, you have every right to be -- with, or without him.