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Teen Groups And Friendships
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/15/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Hello Emily,
At school, I feel like I don't fit in. For all the years I have been in secondary school, I have hung with the "popular" group. I have some quite good friends there. My best friend is also part of the popular group. But recently she has been hanging with another girl, and they are always together. She and I were supposed to be going to a concert together but, now, she,s going with this girl. I also have loads of good friends who aren't part of the popular group. They don't judge people on what they wear and things. And the problem is, I can't hang with the popular group and the non-popular group because they don't get along. What should I do? Hang with the popular? Or the non popular? And what about my best friend?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
What your "best friend" did was so typical of your age group -- when loyalty flies out the window like a change in the weather. I would tell her you were hurt by her not following through on the plans to go with you to the concert. At least you aren't letting her get away with it terms of her thinking you're a pushover. She may get defensive, but it's simply following through on commitments -- and, then I'd leave it at that. When I was your age, I had friends in both groups but, like you, found the non-popular group to be more genuine. I often gravitated to them because I had little tolerance for the superficial games that teens, this age, can play. Rest assured, when these popular kids get into the real world, many of them are going to find themselves coming up short in managing people who don't relate to them nor tolerate their shallow attempts to integrate. This could be a prime example of the phrase "What goes around, comes around"! But all this said, if I were you, I'd hang out with one, or the other depending on opportunity and when it's comfortable for you. It shouldn't matter if the two don't meld. You don't need to make excuses for the people with whom you choose to hang out. It's your right, and your business -- with apologies to none. Keep your expectations realistic. The more you understand human behavior, the easier it will be to steer clear of the pitfalls of equating expectation with outcome. Be mature, and show that you can effortlessly move from friend to friend (no matter grouping), and try to ignore the labels attached to them -- as well, a need to put up with bad behavior from anyone.
At school, I feel like I don't fit in. For all the years I have been in secondary school, I have hung with the "popular" group. I have some quite good friends there. My best friend is also part of the popular group. But recently she has been hanging with another girl, and they are always together. She and I were supposed to be going to a concert together but, now, she,s going with this girl. I also have loads of good friends who aren't part of the popular group. They don't judge people on what they wear and things. And the problem is, I can't hang with the popular group and the non-popular group because they don't get along. What should I do? Hang with the popular? Or the non popular? And what about my best friend?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
What your "best friend" did was so typical of your age group -- when loyalty flies out the window like a change in the weather. I would tell her you were hurt by her not following through on the plans to go with you to the concert. At least you aren't letting her get away with it terms of her thinking you're a pushover. She may get defensive, but it's simply following through on commitments -- and, then I'd leave it at that. When I was your age, I had friends in both groups but, like you, found the non-popular group to be more genuine. I often gravitated to them because I had little tolerance for the superficial games that teens, this age, can play. Rest assured, when these popular kids get into the real world, many of them are going to find themselves coming up short in managing people who don't relate to them nor tolerate their shallow attempts to integrate. This could be a prime example of the phrase "What goes around, comes around"! But all this said, if I were you, I'd hang out with one, or the other depending on opportunity and when it's comfortable for you. It shouldn't matter if the two don't meld. You don't need to make excuses for the people with whom you choose to hang out. It's your right, and your business -- with apologies to none. Keep your expectations realistic. The more you understand human behavior, the easier it will be to steer clear of the pitfalls of equating expectation with outcome. Be mature, and show that you can effortlessly move from friend to friend (no matter grouping), and try to ignore the labels attached to them -- as well, a need to put up with bad behavior from anyone.
