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The Tangled Webs We Weave
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/15/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been dating a girl for almost 2 years. I lied to her about my nationality because I come from a poor country and I don't like my roots. Even though I was born in that country I haven't even hinted that I was lying about my true identity. Even when she met my parents, I was so careful to make sure the topic of where we came from did not came up. The real problem lies in the fact that she told her whole entire family my fake nationality. They are all extremely traditional and, for almost 2 years, they think I'm something I'm not. I can't imagine her telling her family that I am a different nationality than what I was saying to be. I made up all these elaborate lies about my family in the country I am not from. I can't believe how long I kept this a secret, and how in depth my lies got. I love this girl so much I could never find someone like her if I had a million years to find one. But this is so embarrassing, I'm leaning toward breaking up with her so I don't have to face the family who will look at me as a liar. I lied to everyone's face. Now I don't know how to face my problems. What would you suggest?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
I am so sorry for you. The shame you felt controlled this rather unfortunate decision. But this is bound to come out, sooner or later. You can't carry on the facade forever. Your family can't be muzzled, indefinitely, because even if you tell them of the ruse and they tried to go along with it, someone is bound to slip up. It's too much of a burden for your family, and you would remain a nervous wreck. To break up with her and leave her twisting in the wind as to wondering what she had done wrong in the relationship, would be cruel. And if you were to say you weren't worthy of her, with no explanation that, too, would leave her hurt and confused. Your only recourse is to sit her down, tell her you deceived her about your nationality out of embarrassment and shame over your origin of birth. She'll probably accuse you of not trusting her, or even break up with you over your deception, but it's worth a try rather than throw this relationship away without knowing the outcome. If you love her, you owe her the truth. I am so sorry for you. Living with this lie has certainly taken it's toll on your mental health, but you need to come clean and face the consequences. It's a hard lesson learned -- but I know that, although the outcome may be devastating to you, freeing yourself of the burden of lying with also be liberating. I know, cold comfort, but if that's all you end up with, it's better than nothing.
I have been dating a girl for almost 2 years. I lied to her about my nationality because I come from a poor country and I don't like my roots. Even though I was born in that country I haven't even hinted that I was lying about my true identity. Even when she met my parents, I was so careful to make sure the topic of where we came from did not came up. The real problem lies in the fact that she told her whole entire family my fake nationality. They are all extremely traditional and, for almost 2 years, they think I'm something I'm not. I can't imagine her telling her family that I am a different nationality than what I was saying to be. I made up all these elaborate lies about my family in the country I am not from. I can't believe how long I kept this a secret, and how in depth my lies got. I love this girl so much I could never find someone like her if I had a million years to find one. But this is so embarrassing, I'm leaning toward breaking up with her so I don't have to face the family who will look at me as a liar. I lied to everyone's face. Now I don't know how to face my problems. What would you suggest?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
I am so sorry for you. The shame you felt controlled this rather unfortunate decision. But this is bound to come out, sooner or later. You can't carry on the facade forever. Your family can't be muzzled, indefinitely, because even if you tell them of the ruse and they tried to go along with it, someone is bound to slip up. It's too much of a burden for your family, and you would remain a nervous wreck. To break up with her and leave her twisting in the wind as to wondering what she had done wrong in the relationship, would be cruel. And if you were to say you weren't worthy of her, with no explanation that, too, would leave her hurt and confused. Your only recourse is to sit her down, tell her you deceived her about your nationality out of embarrassment and shame over your origin of birth. She'll probably accuse you of not trusting her, or even break up with you over your deception, but it's worth a try rather than throw this relationship away without knowing the outcome. If you love her, you owe her the truth. I am so sorry for you. Living with this lie has certainly taken it's toll on your mental health, but you need to come clean and face the consequences. It's a hard lesson learned -- but I know that, although the outcome may be devastating to you, freeing yourself of the burden of lying with also be liberating. I know, cold comfort, but if that's all you end up with, it's better than nothing.
