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Loyalty to Son In Question
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/11/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been trying to have another baby for 15 years -- get pregnant then miscarry. My son is 16 almost 17 and plays baseball. I am starting IVF cycle today and wondering if I am being selfish. I will have to miss some of my son's games and it is very important that I be there for him. However, I am 45, premenopausal and my time is running out. I just found this clinic that has agreed to help me, but if it is unsuccessful, I will have missed out on time with him I can never get back. Please give me advice.
--------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
Have you discussed this with your son, and how he feels? Is your husband (or partner) a step-father to your son, and this would be your first child together? I only ask because that would explain the urgency. If your son is aware of how much you want another child, no matter how remote the possibility may be, I think he'll understand. You can't be two places at the same time, and having another child, if possible, is your right and should be guilt free. I see no problem with having a representative film the games on the days you can't make it and view them with him afterward. The timing may be horrible, but how many things in life work out perfectly? You have a great deal of time ahead with your son, and he may be happy to have a sibling were you to carry to term. The heartbreak, of course, is if this does not pan out. But that doesn't mean it's not worth a try because this, obviously, means a great deal to you. I did have a thought that you may be looking to find someone who will tell you not to go ahead with this new effort, knowing the failure rate. If so, I could not be the one to do that.
I have been trying to have another baby for 15 years -- get pregnant then miscarry. My son is 16 almost 17 and plays baseball. I am starting IVF cycle today and wondering if I am being selfish. I will have to miss some of my son's games and it is very important that I be there for him. However, I am 45, premenopausal and my time is running out. I just found this clinic that has agreed to help me, but if it is unsuccessful, I will have missed out on time with him I can never get back. Please give me advice.
--------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
Have you discussed this with your son, and how he feels? Is your husband (or partner) a step-father to your son, and this would be your first child together? I only ask because that would explain the urgency. If your son is aware of how much you want another child, no matter how remote the possibility may be, I think he'll understand. You can't be two places at the same time, and having another child, if possible, is your right and should be guilt free. I see no problem with having a representative film the games on the days you can't make it and view them with him afterward. The timing may be horrible, but how many things in life work out perfectly? You have a great deal of time ahead with your son, and he may be happy to have a sibling were you to carry to term. The heartbreak, of course, is if this does not pan out. But that doesn't mean it's not worth a try because this, obviously, means a great deal to you. I did have a thought that you may be looking to find someone who will tell you not to go ahead with this new effort, knowing the failure rate. If so, I could not be the one to do that.
