- Home
- Relationships - Teens
- Teen Girl's Past
Teen Girl's Past
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/8/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily,
I'm a 16 year old male and I have been dating a 17-year-old girl for 6 months. First, for some background information: This girl means a lot to me and we've been through so much together in just these 6 months. She was diagnosed with severe depression and she's been in and out of the mental health clinic. She's had so many family problems, and I've tried so hard to make her know she's not alone. Thankfully, her depression and stability seems to be A LOT better. We've had sex about 4 times in these 6 months. Everything in our relationship seemed to be going well, especially because her depression is getting so much better but, just yesterday, something happened. We were talking and we got to talking about everyone who has seen her naked. I warned her I really didn't want to hear it, but she kept insisting. She told me about a time when she was in the 9th grade, and she made out with this guy who took her clothes off down to her panties. It simply made me sick. I know this is years before she even met me, and this was her only sexual experience besides the ones with me -- but it just made me sick. I feel sort of selfish and stupid for feeling this way, but I do. The weird thing is, I don't really feel jealous, but every time I think about her now, I feel sick and can't get it out of my head. I have no clue what to do. I would love some advice if you have any to give.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
You're going to find out in future relationships you have, women, like men, have a past, and some sexual experiences -- many of them rather checkered. That's why I always recommend people keep their sexual past to themselves -- as much as possible, anyway. If that's all your girlfriend did, that's pretty light stuff based on the letters I get from teenage girls. Many of them have gone all the way, and earlier than fourteen. Your girlfriend doesn't need you to feel this way, because she can't change the past, no one can, and you may be in the same boat one day. I think it was foolish of her to tell you something you didn't want to hear, but perhaps she needed to tell, not only because she trusts you, but she wanted to share this experience to get it off her chest, so to speak. Girls often feel like they've done something wrong at that age and, also, maybe powerless to say no. But whatever the reason, maturity is your best approach. Again, she can't go back and change it, and she trusted that it was all right to tell you. I think there is something about male pride that gets in the way when something like this happens. If she had a rather robust sexual past, I could see the angst, but a make-out session getting down to the underwear is nothing to be sick about. I am happy that she is on the road to a better life, now. Depression is a battle, often not won. It would be wise of you not to let her know how you feel about this situation. Were you to want to break up with her down the line, she doesn't need this regret based on his psychological make-up.
I'm a 16 year old male and I have been dating a 17-year-old girl for 6 months. First, for some background information: This girl means a lot to me and we've been through so much together in just these 6 months. She was diagnosed with severe depression and she's been in and out of the mental health clinic. She's had so many family problems, and I've tried so hard to make her know she's not alone. Thankfully, her depression and stability seems to be A LOT better. We've had sex about 4 times in these 6 months. Everything in our relationship seemed to be going well, especially because her depression is getting so much better but, just yesterday, something happened. We were talking and we got to talking about everyone who has seen her naked. I warned her I really didn't want to hear it, but she kept insisting. She told me about a time when she was in the 9th grade, and she made out with this guy who took her clothes off down to her panties. It simply made me sick. I know this is years before she even met me, and this was her only sexual experience besides the ones with me -- but it just made me sick. I feel sort of selfish and stupid for feeling this way, but I do. The weird thing is, I don't really feel jealous, but every time I think about her now, I feel sick and can't get it out of my head. I have no clue what to do. I would love some advice if you have any to give.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
You're going to find out in future relationships you have, women, like men, have a past, and some sexual experiences -- many of them rather checkered. That's why I always recommend people keep their sexual past to themselves -- as much as possible, anyway. If that's all your girlfriend did, that's pretty light stuff based on the letters I get from teenage girls. Many of them have gone all the way, and earlier than fourteen. Your girlfriend doesn't need you to feel this way, because she can't change the past, no one can, and you may be in the same boat one day. I think it was foolish of her to tell you something you didn't want to hear, but perhaps she needed to tell, not only because she trusts you, but she wanted to share this experience to get it off her chest, so to speak. Girls often feel like they've done something wrong at that age and, also, maybe powerless to say no. But whatever the reason, maturity is your best approach. Again, she can't go back and change it, and she trusted that it was all right to tell you. I think there is something about male pride that gets in the way when something like this happens. If she had a rather robust sexual past, I could see the angst, but a make-out session getting down to the underwear is nothing to be sick about. I am happy that she is on the road to a better life, now. Depression is a battle, often not won. It would be wise of you not to let her know how you feel about this situation. Were you to want to break up with her down the line, she doesn't need this regret based on his psychological make-up.
