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Was Mutual Break-up A Mistake?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/8/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm a 21 y/o female. My ex bf and i were dating for about 10 months, and we recently broke up about a week ago. We broke up because i told him i loved him about 4 months ago, and he still hadn't been able to say it back -- also he said he doesn't want to get married will he's 30, and hes 23. I don't think i wanted to be in a relationship for 7 years until getting married, and everyone else told me that too -- friends, family, everyone. They had me convinced that i deserve better, but i never stopped to think about what i really wanted and, now, after the break up, i think i want him back? I cant stop thinking about him, and I'm losing sleep over it. Is that a good idea to tell him how I'm feeling, and how would i get him back? I don't want to seem pathetic. The break up was mutual because he thought i deserved more, and i think it was actually really loving of him to do that (even though he wouldn't admit it). We never fought, and i really think we were good together. i just don't know what he will think if i speak up about how I'm feeling. I really could use some sound advice.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
He's convinced himself that he doesn't want a committed relationship in the way you see it, and I don't think that is going to change. That's not to say he couldn't change his mind, at some time, but 10 months wasn't long enough to do it, and you can't hope for a 180 in his thinking. He couldn't say he loved you, because that was more of a commitment than he wanted to make. In my opinion, it would be senseless to go back to him based on how you feel, and I think you'd be deluding yourself if you now think your feelings were based on what others said in this matter. I think they simply agreed with you. As of last week, he wouldn't say he loved you, and he didn't backtrack on his projected plan for marriage. He accepted the break-up because of it. In order to get back with him, if it's possible, you'd have to do it his way and have a completely earnest reversal in your thinking.
I'm a 21 y/o female. My ex bf and i were dating for about 10 months, and we recently broke up about a week ago. We broke up because i told him i loved him about 4 months ago, and he still hadn't been able to say it back -- also he said he doesn't want to get married will he's 30, and hes 23. I don't think i wanted to be in a relationship for 7 years until getting married, and everyone else told me that too -- friends, family, everyone. They had me convinced that i deserve better, but i never stopped to think about what i really wanted and, now, after the break up, i think i want him back? I cant stop thinking about him, and I'm losing sleep over it. Is that a good idea to tell him how I'm feeling, and how would i get him back? I don't want to seem pathetic. The break up was mutual because he thought i deserved more, and i think it was actually really loving of him to do that (even though he wouldn't admit it). We never fought, and i really think we were good together. i just don't know what he will think if i speak up about how I'm feeling. I really could use some sound advice.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
He's convinced himself that he doesn't want a committed relationship in the way you see it, and I don't think that is going to change. That's not to say he couldn't change his mind, at some time, but 10 months wasn't long enough to do it, and you can't hope for a 180 in his thinking. He couldn't say he loved you, because that was more of a commitment than he wanted to make. In my opinion, it would be senseless to go back to him based on how you feel, and I think you'd be deluding yourself if you now think your feelings were based on what others said in this matter. I think they simply agreed with you. As of last week, he wouldn't say he loved you, and he didn't backtrack on his projected plan for marriage. He accepted the break-up because of it. In order to get back with him, if it's possible, you'd have to do it his way and have a completely earnest reversal in your thinking.
