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A Burger Has More Clout?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 03/3/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, but it has been long distance while I finish up my degree. I go to a northern California state college while he stays at home and goes to school in southern California, where we both are from. We've both been struggling financially, and a couple days ago he said he wasn't going to be able to afford to come up and see me this semester. I told him I completely understand, he doesn't have a source of income, right now, and pays for a lot of his own things. So, today, I called him during his lunch, to find out he was at In-N-Out, again. He goes to In-n-Out twice a week (the two days he's on campus all day for classes) to get his lunch, so he's spending roughly ten dollars a week - forty dollars a month on burgers.
I tried to explain to him that it would make more economical sense if he brought his own lunch to school (he lives with his parents, who buy groceries of course), but he said he "needs" to eat In-n-Out. I then tried to explain that I feel like he values a stupid burger more than he values me - if he gave up In-N-Out for two months he could afford to fly up to visit. He doesn't agree and says I should stop telling him how to spend money. I agree, I shouldn't tell him how to spend money and I don't want to nag him, but I can't help feeling like he cares more about In-N-Out than me. How can I help him understand the position he has put me in?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I know you miss him, and a long-distance relationship makes the heart grow fonder if you truly care about a person -- but I don't know whether a couple burgers, a week, at In-N-Out, warrant you feeling this kind of rejection. If he had bought new Bose speakers for his car, that would worth your ire. I assume if he has no income, his parents fund those burgers. But even if that isn't the case, I don't think $80 would even cover the gas on a car trip, let alone a plane trip to and from your area. And then there's the cost of food at your place, and any entertainment. I know you think he should find a way if he really cared, but he has pressure on him in his environment, obligations, and that is part of his reason for staying put, I would assume. The economy sucks, college students are in the worst shape they have been in (unless they have rich parents) for decades, and the pressure can often supersede all else. It won't be long when you are home for the summer, and if you think he's a great guy in other ways than his inability to forfeit those burgers, don't rock the boat now. Wait until the summer to decide it he's only worth a gift certificate to In N' Out, and a good-bye boot in the drive- thru lane.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, but it has been long distance while I finish up my degree. I go to a northern California state college while he stays at home and goes to school in southern California, where we both are from. We've both been struggling financially, and a couple days ago he said he wasn't going to be able to afford to come up and see me this semester. I told him I completely understand, he doesn't have a source of income, right now, and pays for a lot of his own things. So, today, I called him during his lunch, to find out he was at In-N-Out, again. He goes to In-n-Out twice a week (the two days he's on campus all day for classes) to get his lunch, so he's spending roughly ten dollars a week - forty dollars a month on burgers.
I tried to explain to him that it would make more economical sense if he brought his own lunch to school (he lives with his parents, who buy groceries of course), but he said he "needs" to eat In-n-Out. I then tried to explain that I feel like he values a stupid burger more than he values me - if he gave up In-N-Out for two months he could afford to fly up to visit. He doesn't agree and says I should stop telling him how to spend money. I agree, I shouldn't tell him how to spend money and I don't want to nag him, but I can't help feeling like he cares more about In-N-Out than me. How can I help him understand the position he has put me in?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I know you miss him, and a long-distance relationship makes the heart grow fonder if you truly care about a person -- but I don't know whether a couple burgers, a week, at In-N-Out, warrant you feeling this kind of rejection. If he had bought new Bose speakers for his car, that would worth your ire. I assume if he has no income, his parents fund those burgers. But even if that isn't the case, I don't think $80 would even cover the gas on a car trip, let alone a plane trip to and from your area. And then there's the cost of food at your place, and any entertainment. I know you think he should find a way if he really cared, but he has pressure on him in his environment, obligations, and that is part of his reason for staying put, I would assume. The economy sucks, college students are in the worst shape they have been in (unless they have rich parents) for decades, and the pressure can often supersede all else. It won't be long when you are home for the summer, and if you think he's a great guy in other ways than his inability to forfeit those burgers, don't rock the boat now. Wait until the summer to decide it he's only worth a gift certificate to In N' Out, and a good-bye boot in the drive- thru lane.
