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Baby Dad Not On-board
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/23/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. I am 6 months pregnant with his 1st child (my 3rd). When we first got together, he was the BEST boyfriend. Attentive, calling just to say hi, happy to be with me, taking me and my kids out. Now he is "absent". He doesn't call (unless he wants me to do something for him), doesn't want to go anywhere with me, nothing! He doesn't ask about the baby, he said he doesn't even know if he will be available to go to the hospital when the baby is born, as he will be on-call for work. My parents and I have bought everything for the new baby. He said he was going to wait till he got his tax return to buy the baby a crib (the ONLY thing I have ever asked him to buy), but instead used all of it to buy a truck. When he goes on days-off, he goes to his hometown, 4 1/2 hours away to work on his trucks. He says he can get parts and labor cheaper there, but whenever I call to talk to him, he is out getting dinner, or grabbing something to drink, or hanging-out with his friends. Not working on his truck. And when he calls to say he is coming home, 9 times out of 10, he calls back about 4 hours later to say he is staying an extra day or two. When he is home, and i ask to go out, he will say he has no money, and when I offer to pay, he says he is sick, or tired. He lives with me rent free, I buy all the groceries, and pay all the utilities. When I bring up not spending anytime with eachother, he gets mad, and says I'm just hormonal because I'm pregnant -- or that I am demanding too much of his time, and he has responsibilities that he had long before he met me that he has to honor. Am I really asking too much, just for 1 or 2 dates a month that I pay for? I just want him to be happy again, I love him so much, it hurts me to think that he's not happy with me anymore. I really don't know what to do.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
It appears he doesn't want to be a daddy, and the idea of it has sent him into the ozone. But he's been a freeloader for a while now. You pay for almost everything and provide him a roof over his head when he's in town. I don't know the circumstances of this pregnancy -- meaning that he thought you were on birth control, or were in charge of it (and he was gobsmacked by the news), but he's showing his true colors, now. No matter how this happened, he's not there for you. Whether he comes around after his baby is born is an unknown. But if he doesn't shape up, you're going to have to settle for child support payments and visitation rights if he wants them. I get many letters from women whose boyfriends take a powder once their girlfriends gets pregnant, and it's as old as history. I'm sorry for you, but it is wonderful that your parents have been such a huge support system for you. Without them, your life would be so much harder. It's also a shame that this baby was not planned.
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. I am 6 months pregnant with his 1st child (my 3rd). When we first got together, he was the BEST boyfriend. Attentive, calling just to say hi, happy to be with me, taking me and my kids out. Now he is "absent". He doesn't call (unless he wants me to do something for him), doesn't want to go anywhere with me, nothing! He doesn't ask about the baby, he said he doesn't even know if he will be available to go to the hospital when the baby is born, as he will be on-call for work. My parents and I have bought everything for the new baby. He said he was going to wait till he got his tax return to buy the baby a crib (the ONLY thing I have ever asked him to buy), but instead used all of it to buy a truck. When he goes on days-off, he goes to his hometown, 4 1/2 hours away to work on his trucks. He says he can get parts and labor cheaper there, but whenever I call to talk to him, he is out getting dinner, or grabbing something to drink, or hanging-out with his friends. Not working on his truck. And when he calls to say he is coming home, 9 times out of 10, he calls back about 4 hours later to say he is staying an extra day or two. When he is home, and i ask to go out, he will say he has no money, and when I offer to pay, he says he is sick, or tired. He lives with me rent free, I buy all the groceries, and pay all the utilities. When I bring up not spending anytime with eachother, he gets mad, and says I'm just hormonal because I'm pregnant -- or that I am demanding too much of his time, and he has responsibilities that he had long before he met me that he has to honor. Am I really asking too much, just for 1 or 2 dates a month that I pay for? I just want him to be happy again, I love him so much, it hurts me to think that he's not happy with me anymore. I really don't know what to do.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
It appears he doesn't want to be a daddy, and the idea of it has sent him into the ozone. But he's been a freeloader for a while now. You pay for almost everything and provide him a roof over his head when he's in town. I don't know the circumstances of this pregnancy -- meaning that he thought you were on birth control, or were in charge of it (and he was gobsmacked by the news), but he's showing his true colors, now. No matter how this happened, he's not there for you. Whether he comes around after his baby is born is an unknown. But if he doesn't shape up, you're going to have to settle for child support payments and visitation rights if he wants them. I get many letters from women whose boyfriends take a powder once their girlfriends gets pregnant, and it's as old as history. I'm sorry for you, but it is wonderful that your parents have been such a huge support system for you. Without them, your life would be so much harder. It's also a shame that this baby was not planned.
