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What's His M O?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/17/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
In the past month and a 1/2, I've started talking to this really interesting guy. Our first conversation was an hour and 1/2 between our college classes, and then he kept hunting me down and seeking me out both in person and online. We hung out together at my house and ended up watching a movie and talked for a good five hours. It was like he really wanted to talk to me, and every time he said anything I thought it was fascinating. Since then we've had a bunch of really long conversations, and he's really open with me, despite my lack of openness. I've told him that I don't open up as easily as he does, and yet, he's already told me one of his biggest secrets. He said that he feels "comfortable" to tell me things. Then after we talked more, he said that after the first conversation we ever had, he decided he had to be my friend. I'm okay with friendship, but I keep getting this feeling like he wants more. I'm okay with that, too, but I'm so confused about him. Out of all of our conversations, he's started, probably, 9 out 10. And now he's really trying to get me to be more open with him, but I really want to know his motives. Should I just ask? Does he want to just be friends or more than? Ugh.
-----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
I suspect he wants more, but I think he's coming on a little too strong, and a bit too controlling. He's already told you one of his biggest secrets and, after his first conversation with you, he decided he wanted you as a friend. Gee, did you have any say in it? So far, it's all been about what he's wanted. I understand that college kids are free spirits, and I'm all for that, but perhaps you're selling yourself short by thinking you are having trouble opening up to him if he comes on in this all-too consuming manner. Unless you feel comfortable with easing into this relationship -- allowing you to trust him with your feelings, etc., I don't think you should get involved any deeper than you are. He may be a perfectly decent guy, without any "needy" emotional agenda, but he may also not be suited for you if you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Don't let him take your power. It will keep this relationship unbalanced. In time, I think he'll let you know if he wants more than friendship.
In the past month and a 1/2, I've started talking to this really interesting guy. Our first conversation was an hour and 1/2 between our college classes, and then he kept hunting me down and seeking me out both in person and online. We hung out together at my house and ended up watching a movie and talked for a good five hours. It was like he really wanted to talk to me, and every time he said anything I thought it was fascinating. Since then we've had a bunch of really long conversations, and he's really open with me, despite my lack of openness. I've told him that I don't open up as easily as he does, and yet, he's already told me one of his biggest secrets. He said that he feels "comfortable" to tell me things. Then after we talked more, he said that after the first conversation we ever had, he decided he had to be my friend. I'm okay with friendship, but I keep getting this feeling like he wants more. I'm okay with that, too, but I'm so confused about him. Out of all of our conversations, he's started, probably, 9 out 10. And now he's really trying to get me to be more open with him, but I really want to know his motives. Should I just ask? Does he want to just be friends or more than? Ugh.
-----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
I suspect he wants more, but I think he's coming on a little too strong, and a bit too controlling. He's already told you one of his biggest secrets and, after his first conversation with you, he decided he wanted you as a friend. Gee, did you have any say in it? So far, it's all been about what he's wanted. I understand that college kids are free spirits, and I'm all for that, but perhaps you're selling yourself short by thinking you are having trouble opening up to him if he comes on in this all-too consuming manner. Unless you feel comfortable with easing into this relationship -- allowing you to trust him with your feelings, etc., I don't think you should get involved any deeper than you are. He may be a perfectly decent guy, without any "needy" emotional agenda, but he may also not be suited for you if you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Don't let him take your power. It will keep this relationship unbalanced. In time, I think he'll let you know if he wants more than friendship.
