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Losing A Long-Distance Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/15/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Emily,
For a couple of months, now, I just got out of a relationship with a guy I still love very much. I met him about 1.5 years ago and didn't start a relationship with him until this summer, and it ended late this fall. The problem is, I met this guy online, and he lives halfway across the world in my original home town. I haven't met him in real life, yet, but have met his sister and mom through skype video calling, and talked to them several times. We skyped almost everyday, or talked on the phone constantly. At the beginning, I was skeptical of him and not very trusting, but after one year of knowing him and his intentions, my trust grew for him and I realized that we completed each other. He is extremely sweet and gentle and, best of all, really well-mannered and not vulgar. Anyway, my problem is that he broke of the relationship about 3 months ago because he said that even though he loved me, he can't stand that much distance between us, and he can't wait 5 years for me to finish school and move over there when I graduate. I understand him completely and where he's coming from, but in the beginning he was the one that would always console me about the distance and tell me that the wait is worth it...his behavior in other things too has changed. and I feel like he has a sense of hopelessness or a loss of faith in general. How do I convince him that although there's a big distance between us, the future will make it worth it? And more importantly, how do I help him regain his sense of hope. I know listening is best but it kills me to see him like this.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
His position is rational, and that's why it's hard to take issue with it. Five years is a long time to pine for the one you love without physical contact. It's frustrating, and with six billion people in the world, he's probably thinking he should take notice of some of them who live closer. Part of making a relationship work is the ease of it, and there is nothing easy about this one -- despite the compatibility that you and he have on many levels. It's possible, although I hate to suggest this if it isn't true, that he has met someone. You mentioned he had "changed" and that could be the reason why. Right now, if you try to maintain a friendship and give him the freedom he says he wants, perhaps in the future you can rekindle this relationship. I am so sorry, because I know how much you are hurting.
For a couple of months, now, I just got out of a relationship with a guy I still love very much. I met him about 1.5 years ago and didn't start a relationship with him until this summer, and it ended late this fall. The problem is, I met this guy online, and he lives halfway across the world in my original home town. I haven't met him in real life, yet, but have met his sister and mom through skype video calling, and talked to them several times. We skyped almost everyday, or talked on the phone constantly. At the beginning, I was skeptical of him and not very trusting, but after one year of knowing him and his intentions, my trust grew for him and I realized that we completed each other. He is extremely sweet and gentle and, best of all, really well-mannered and not vulgar. Anyway, my problem is that he broke of the relationship about 3 months ago because he said that even though he loved me, he can't stand that much distance between us, and he can't wait 5 years for me to finish school and move over there when I graduate. I understand him completely and where he's coming from, but in the beginning he was the one that would always console me about the distance and tell me that the wait is worth it...his behavior in other things too has changed. and I feel like he has a sense of hopelessness or a loss of faith in general. How do I convince him that although there's a big distance between us, the future will make it worth it? And more importantly, how do I help him regain his sense of hope. I know listening is best but it kills me to see him like this.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
His position is rational, and that's why it's hard to take issue with it. Five years is a long time to pine for the one you love without physical contact. It's frustrating, and with six billion people in the world, he's probably thinking he should take notice of some of them who live closer. Part of making a relationship work is the ease of it, and there is nothing easy about this one -- despite the compatibility that you and he have on many levels. It's possible, although I hate to suggest this if it isn't true, that he has met someone. You mentioned he had "changed" and that could be the reason why. Right now, if you try to maintain a friendship and give him the freedom he says he wants, perhaps in the future you can rekindle this relationship. I am so sorry, because I know how much you are hurting.
