- Home
- Relationships - Men
- Divorce Now, Or Never
Divorce Now, Or Never
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/15/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
Married 33 years with 3 great kids, all grown but all living at home. Separated 5 years, ago, and living alone. Paying all household bills and wife's credit card and medical bills each month, barely. Wife does not work. Kids pay no rent or anything towards household expenses, because of wife defending them. I'm sad to start divorce proceeding or use mediator. I since became heavily involved with a girlfriend who now has recently moved out of state. I also have worked for a company 23 years and fairly secure here. Bottom line: I feel stifled and wishy-washy in making move to divorce and also relocate 1300 miles away to be with girlfriend. Please help me set a list of priorities on how to move forward with my life.
------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
Your priorities should be as follows: File for divorce (not doing it is wishy-washy), and get on with your life. I live in California, and it's a community property state -- although I do not know if this is true in your place of residence. I assume you would want money from the house, but that could be a negotiating tool. I suspect you will be required to pay alimony -- but you've been, essentially, doing that anyway. The kids need to get a life, and if they resent you for pushing them to be independent, that would be a shame, but someone in that family taught them to be dependent, and I hope it is you who's not to blame. That said, it's a disservice to them to live like freeloaders and it's high time they have a plan for their lives. Now, I don't think this necessarily means moving 1300 miles to live to a new area with your girlfriend. Job security is important in these economically hard times, and you don't want to feel untethered from making a hasty move -- at least until you have all your ducks-in-a-row, and relatively secure that this relationship will work for the long-haul. At your age, finding a job with the status and security you now have is a concern, I would think. The way you live your life, now, is for everyone but you. That has to stop. Sure, you could maintain the status quo, but one thing I know about life is this: When people get to a certain age, many of them spend the remaining part of their lives with nothing but regret. We have choices in life. To ignore them -- and to take the path of least resistance, is often foolish.
Married 33 years with 3 great kids, all grown but all living at home. Separated 5 years, ago, and living alone. Paying all household bills and wife's credit card and medical bills each month, barely. Wife does not work. Kids pay no rent or anything towards household expenses, because of wife defending them. I'm sad to start divorce proceeding or use mediator. I since became heavily involved with a girlfriend who now has recently moved out of state. I also have worked for a company 23 years and fairly secure here. Bottom line: I feel stifled and wishy-washy in making move to divorce and also relocate 1300 miles away to be with girlfriend. Please help me set a list of priorities on how to move forward with my life.
------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
Your priorities should be as follows: File for divorce (not doing it is wishy-washy), and get on with your life. I live in California, and it's a community property state -- although I do not know if this is true in your place of residence. I assume you would want money from the house, but that could be a negotiating tool. I suspect you will be required to pay alimony -- but you've been, essentially, doing that anyway. The kids need to get a life, and if they resent you for pushing them to be independent, that would be a shame, but someone in that family taught them to be dependent, and I hope it is you who's not to blame. That said, it's a disservice to them to live like freeloaders and it's high time they have a plan for their lives. Now, I don't think this necessarily means moving 1300 miles to live to a new area with your girlfriend. Job security is important in these economically hard times, and you don't want to feel untethered from making a hasty move -- at least until you have all your ducks-in-a-row, and relatively secure that this relationship will work for the long-haul. At your age, finding a job with the status and security you now have is a concern, I would think. The way you live your life, now, is for everyone but you. That has to stop. Sure, you could maintain the status quo, but one thing I know about life is this: When people get to a certain age, many of them spend the remaining part of their lives with nothing but regret. We have choices in life. To ignore them -- and to take the path of least resistance, is often foolish.
