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Wait And See
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/14/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months now. We have spectacular chemistry, deep faith, and so much more. Where our issues lie is that he has been divorced now for 5 years, and I have been divorced for 6 months. We met right after my now ex-husband had moved out of the house. This new guy has everything that I have been looking for in a man and can see this relationship being something spectacular. But, he has been so set in his ways and its hard to fit into his life. We have great communication, and he tells me that I am what he was been looking for too, but he is very stubborn. We do live 50 miles apart, and we both have children from our past relationships so our time together is very sporadic but we make the most of it when we can. We talk and text daily and share everything together. So my question to you is, do you think he will eventually change to include me more into his life the longer we are together, or do you think I should cut my losses now because he will never change?
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
I think it's very possible that he won't want to give up the independence he has -- at least this early in the relationship. He has children, as well, you, and it's not always easy to blend families. There are horror stories that make my blood curdle -- and I should know, I get many letters relating to it. I don't think you want to cut your losses, now. You're too attached to this man to call it quits because he is stubborn. And don't be thinking that he will change his mind if you were to call an to end it hoping that puts a fire under him. It probably won't. He'll basically see it as an ultimatum, and he won't take kindly to it. The fifty mile distance is a problem, I grant you that, but it may also be the fuel to keep the flame of love burning -- at least you can look at it that way, rather than see it as a frustrating situation that eats at the relationship and, eventually, destroys it. I think, for now, it's a good idea to put the dream of having it all with this man, marriage and family unity, on hold. It's only been five months, you're fresh out of a marriage, and it might be unrealistic to think this can have a storybook ending. Perhaps it will, but while you and he have children, and other major commitments, I'd enjoy the relationship as it is, lose the urgency and figure this out at a time when you have given this relationship more time to evolve -- and you absolutely cannot go on without more of a commitment.
I have been seeing a guy for 5 months now. We have spectacular chemistry, deep faith, and so much more. Where our issues lie is that he has been divorced now for 5 years, and I have been divorced for 6 months. We met right after my now ex-husband had moved out of the house. This new guy has everything that I have been looking for in a man and can see this relationship being something spectacular. But, he has been so set in his ways and its hard to fit into his life. We have great communication, and he tells me that I am what he was been looking for too, but he is very stubborn. We do live 50 miles apart, and we both have children from our past relationships so our time together is very sporadic but we make the most of it when we can. We talk and text daily and share everything together. So my question to you is, do you think he will eventually change to include me more into his life the longer we are together, or do you think I should cut my losses now because he will never change?
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
I think it's very possible that he won't want to give up the independence he has -- at least this early in the relationship. He has children, as well, you, and it's not always easy to blend families. There are horror stories that make my blood curdle -- and I should know, I get many letters relating to it. I don't think you want to cut your losses, now. You're too attached to this man to call it quits because he is stubborn. And don't be thinking that he will change his mind if you were to call an to end it hoping that puts a fire under him. It probably won't. He'll basically see it as an ultimatum, and he won't take kindly to it. The fifty mile distance is a problem, I grant you that, but it may also be the fuel to keep the flame of love burning -- at least you can look at it that way, rather than see it as a frustrating situation that eats at the relationship and, eventually, destroys it. I think, for now, it's a good idea to put the dream of having it all with this man, marriage and family unity, on hold. It's only been five months, you're fresh out of a marriage, and it might be unrealistic to think this can have a storybook ending. Perhaps it will, but while you and he have children, and other major commitments, I'd enjoy the relationship as it is, lose the urgency and figure this out at a time when you have given this relationship more time to evolve -- and you absolutely cannot go on without more of a commitment.
