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Setting The Stage For A Failed Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/14/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I am always fighting with my boyfriend. I do not trust him,because of being hurt in my past relationships. I phone him, everyday, all day wanting to know where he is, and what he is doing, etc. I fight with him when he doesn't tell me he loves me, if he doesnt reply on a sms I sent, or if he doesnt visit -- although he has never given me any reason to think that he is cheating. He is a good, loving man. Miss Emily, please help me as I'm afraid I'm pushing him away.Thank you.
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------------
You will push him away, and I wouldn't blame him if he ran screaming. You can't punish him for the sins of those who hurt you in the past. If you continue to do that, you'll never let yourself be loved. You will always doubt the sincerity of every man that comes into your life. If you want to handle this relationship differently, you'll back off and let him be who he is without forcing him to cater to your insecurities. He may be willing to do it now, but it will eventually drive him away, or he will end up lying to you to keep you from unjustly making him feel like a failure, and someone who can never please you. There are no guarantees is any relationship, and matters of the heart are often painful. But they can also be filled with joy and happiness if you ditch your needy, demanding behavior and learn to judge each person individually and not paint all men with one broad stroke of a brush. Keep on this path, and you create the very thing you fear -- losing him to another woman, and to a place where he does not have to jump through hoops to prove his loyalty. In the meantime, start working on your insecurities. It's never too late to improve your level of self-esteem. Demand respect, and show respect, and the chances of this relationship working out will vastly improve. You can't force someone to love you, or be loyal to you. The sooner you understand that, the better off you will be.
I am always fighting with my boyfriend. I do not trust him,because of being hurt in my past relationships. I phone him, everyday, all day wanting to know where he is, and what he is doing, etc. I fight with him when he doesn't tell me he loves me, if he doesnt reply on a sms I sent, or if he doesnt visit -- although he has never given me any reason to think that he is cheating. He is a good, loving man. Miss Emily, please help me as I'm afraid I'm pushing him away.Thank you.
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------------
You will push him away, and I wouldn't blame him if he ran screaming. You can't punish him for the sins of those who hurt you in the past. If you continue to do that, you'll never let yourself be loved. You will always doubt the sincerity of every man that comes into your life. If you want to handle this relationship differently, you'll back off and let him be who he is without forcing him to cater to your insecurities. He may be willing to do it now, but it will eventually drive him away, or he will end up lying to you to keep you from unjustly making him feel like a failure, and someone who can never please you. There are no guarantees is any relationship, and matters of the heart are often painful. But they can also be filled with joy and happiness if you ditch your needy, demanding behavior and learn to judge each person individually and not paint all men with one broad stroke of a brush. Keep on this path, and you create the very thing you fear -- losing him to another woman, and to a place where he does not have to jump through hoops to prove his loyalty. In the meantime, start working on your insecurities. It's never too late to improve your level of self-esteem. Demand respect, and show respect, and the chances of this relationship working out will vastly improve. You can't force someone to love you, or be loyal to you. The sooner you understand that, the better off you will be.
