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Pizza My Heart
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/14/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Hi Miss Emily,
I'm an 18 year old girl, and I work at a pizza place with a bunch of people, basically all of whom I totally love. There's this one guy, though, who I really have a thing for. He always teases me and flirts with me in a playful way, and I love every minute of it. Recently, our flirting and text messaging have gotten sexual, which is also okay with me. Finally, one night, a few weeks ago, he invited me over, and we ended up having sex. I don't regret it at all though because I've known him for a while and I've definitely wanted things to happen with him. Plus, he was SO romantic about everything, and I just absolutely loved every second I spent with him that night. We had a sort of bet going on about sex that I happened to lose so, as my punishment, the next day he told me that for the next 30 days, I had to come over whenever he wanted me and do whatever he wanted. I obliged, because I never go back on a bet and I wanted to continue to spend time with him. The problem is, this guy has also slept with, or had a relationship with two out of four of my other female coworkers. One of these coworkers is 30, and she was basically just a F buddy, because she has a boyfriend and a kid. The other just turned 18, and is a grade below me in school (she's a senior in high school and I'm a freshman in college). The guy is 33. I know that sounds bad or creepy or whatever, but believe me, I have NEVER been interested in anyone older until I met him. He just kind of has that forbidden, unattainable yet possibly attainable air about him. He gives off the vibes of being mature, yet totally youthful. And plus he's pretty attractive as well. But anyway, he had a relationship with the other 18 year old girl that I work with -- the one I mentioned before, and he brings her up somehow in the conversation almost every time we get together. Needless to say, it's usually something along the lines of "She made her choice and it wasn't me, we still talk but not sexually. Don't tell anyone about you and me, because I don't want her to find out and get hurt." However, I don't necessarily believe that things are over with them -- because the day we had sex, he told me she still sends him naked pictures of herself, and he's a REALLY good liar..or hider with information he doesn't want people to know. Plus, she has a reputation at school for being really promiscuous, which she has demonstrated on countless occasions. This guy has made it clear to me that he's not looking for a relationship and, originally, neither was I. I really do enjoy being single. But the more time I spend with him, even though I feel like he's using me for sex and might still be with that other girl, or ANY other girl for that matter, I still get deeper and deeper feelings for him. And now to top it all off, the romance phase of our relationship is like completely over. We don't kiss like before and, during sex or after, there's no cuddling like there used to be. There's not really any kindness, it's just sex and then leaving. Sometimes we'll talk though, and he'll tell me really personal things about himself -- and then I feel like he actually does want to get close to me. His mother used to hit him when he was younger, so I feel like, psychologically, he's almost afraid to really get close to a woman. But I really don't know what to do. I don't want to stop hanging out with him because I really enjoy the sex and spending time with him, even if it isn't like bonding time. Plus, if I stop hanging out with him, I can guarantee he will end up back with the other girl at my workplace. If not her, then definitely someone else. At the same time though, the more I have sex with him, the more I end up going home feeling used and upset, rather than fulfilled and happy like I did the first few nights we hung out. I also have to deal with seeing him at work everyday, which makes things even harder. I really don't know what to do or which path to take or where to go from here.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------------
This whole relationship sounds totally dysfunctional to me. You don't paint a pretty picture of this guy. I'm sorry, but this does seem a little creepy. He tells you not to say anything about you and him having "a thing" to this underage girl (I know, she's 18, now), to not hurt her feelings, but it's really to protect himself. She was literally "jail bait" at one time. Trust me, he couldn't care less about her feelings. If you're looking for sex, only, he's your guy. But the sad thing is, now it's routine and lacks true romance.The fact he tells you about his life, his past, is no indication he has anything more to offer than an ability to talk about himself. His mother hitting him, in childhood, is a good reason for why he behaves the way he does toward women -- no respect. In a few years, you'll look back and wonder why you even wasted your time on this guy. You're in college, now, and once you get your priorities straight, you'll have no need for a 33 year-old man-child who has no greater ambition than slinging pizza. In the meantime, make sure you always use protection with this stud. With sex being his sole M O in life, he's likely to get and spread an STD. For example: Herpes and genital warts is epidemic and easy to transmit. Genital warts can lead to cervical cancer, and you don't want that from anyone, let alone this lone wolf. Be careful, be smart, and start looking for a guy who has more substance that this horn-dog. By the way, that bet you had with him -- oh, my god, this guy's a class- A manipulator, and you walked right into it. Amazing.
I'm an 18 year old girl, and I work at a pizza place with a bunch of people, basically all of whom I totally love. There's this one guy, though, who I really have a thing for. He always teases me and flirts with me in a playful way, and I love every minute of it. Recently, our flirting and text messaging have gotten sexual, which is also okay with me. Finally, one night, a few weeks ago, he invited me over, and we ended up having sex. I don't regret it at all though because I've known him for a while and I've definitely wanted things to happen with him. Plus, he was SO romantic about everything, and I just absolutely loved every second I spent with him that night. We had a sort of bet going on about sex that I happened to lose so, as my punishment, the next day he told me that for the next 30 days, I had to come over whenever he wanted me and do whatever he wanted. I obliged, because I never go back on a bet and I wanted to continue to spend time with him. The problem is, this guy has also slept with, or had a relationship with two out of four of my other female coworkers. One of these coworkers is 30, and she was basically just a F buddy, because she has a boyfriend and a kid. The other just turned 18, and is a grade below me in school (she's a senior in high school and I'm a freshman in college). The guy is 33. I know that sounds bad or creepy or whatever, but believe me, I have NEVER been interested in anyone older until I met him. He just kind of has that forbidden, unattainable yet possibly attainable air about him. He gives off the vibes of being mature, yet totally youthful. And plus he's pretty attractive as well. But anyway, he had a relationship with the other 18 year old girl that I work with -- the one I mentioned before, and he brings her up somehow in the conversation almost every time we get together. Needless to say, it's usually something along the lines of "She made her choice and it wasn't me, we still talk but not sexually. Don't tell anyone about you and me, because I don't want her to find out and get hurt." However, I don't necessarily believe that things are over with them -- because the day we had sex, he told me she still sends him naked pictures of herself, and he's a REALLY good liar..or hider with information he doesn't want people to know. Plus, she has a reputation at school for being really promiscuous, which she has demonstrated on countless occasions. This guy has made it clear to me that he's not looking for a relationship and, originally, neither was I. I really do enjoy being single. But the more time I spend with him, even though I feel like he's using me for sex and might still be with that other girl, or ANY other girl for that matter, I still get deeper and deeper feelings for him. And now to top it all off, the romance phase of our relationship is like completely over. We don't kiss like before and, during sex or after, there's no cuddling like there used to be. There's not really any kindness, it's just sex and then leaving. Sometimes we'll talk though, and he'll tell me really personal things about himself -- and then I feel like he actually does want to get close to me. His mother used to hit him when he was younger, so I feel like, psychologically, he's almost afraid to really get close to a woman. But I really don't know what to do. I don't want to stop hanging out with him because I really enjoy the sex and spending time with him, even if it isn't like bonding time. Plus, if I stop hanging out with him, I can guarantee he will end up back with the other girl at my workplace. If not her, then definitely someone else. At the same time though, the more I have sex with him, the more I end up going home feeling used and upset, rather than fulfilled and happy like I did the first few nights we hung out. I also have to deal with seeing him at work everyday, which makes things even harder. I really don't know what to do or which path to take or where to go from here.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------------
This whole relationship sounds totally dysfunctional to me. You don't paint a pretty picture of this guy. I'm sorry, but this does seem a little creepy. He tells you not to say anything about you and him having "a thing" to this underage girl (I know, she's 18, now), to not hurt her feelings, but it's really to protect himself. She was literally "jail bait" at one time. Trust me, he couldn't care less about her feelings. If you're looking for sex, only, he's your guy. But the sad thing is, now it's routine and lacks true romance.The fact he tells you about his life, his past, is no indication he has anything more to offer than an ability to talk about himself. His mother hitting him, in childhood, is a good reason for why he behaves the way he does toward women -- no respect. In a few years, you'll look back and wonder why you even wasted your time on this guy. You're in college, now, and once you get your priorities straight, you'll have no need for a 33 year-old man-child who has no greater ambition than slinging pizza. In the meantime, make sure you always use protection with this stud. With sex being his sole M O in life, he's likely to get and spread an STD. For example: Herpes and genital warts is epidemic and easy to transmit. Genital warts can lead to cervical cancer, and you don't want that from anyone, let alone this lone wolf. Be careful, be smart, and start looking for a guy who has more substance that this horn-dog. By the way, that bet you had with him -- oh, my god, this guy's a class- A manipulator, and you walked right into it. Amazing.
