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The Ex Factor
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/13/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I've been Googling around trying to get some advice on what to do. I really like this guy, I met him along time ago at my friend house, and I liked him then, but was too scared to say anything. Anyways years past, I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. We reunited after our mutual friend past away. We hung out one night after the funeral and neither of us had out significant other. We had so much fun together talking and laughing. He told me he like me and I told him how I liked him. We both ended up kissing that night and falling asleep together. We both agreed that should never happen, again, and tried to go on. I couldn't stop thinking about him and I kept hearing how he was talking about me. I heard he wanted to break up with his girlfriend , and I wanted to break up with my boyfriend because we were having problems and I couldn't get this other guy out of my head. I ended up breaking it off with him. Me and the other guy kept hanging out as friends. One day, I heard he broke up with ex and we ended up hanging out one night, and having one of the best nights of my life. He admitted that he broke up with her for me. We ended up sleeping with each other that night. Then the next day. I saw him on the phone with her and then he told me he was going to try to work it out with her. I tried to act cool, but I told him I totally regretted sleeping with him because I felt used. Even though he tried to explain to me that it wasn't like that. I feel it was. That was last week and he hasn't texted or called me at all. I'm really sad because I do really like him. I feel like his girlfriend isn't even right for him. She not cute, funny, nor does she even like doing anything. Hes funny, so handsome and he loves to party. All of the qualities I posses! I want to know if we just jumped in to things too quick, and it freaked him out once he realizes that, and he'll be back -- or if I should just try and forget about him because I was just used after all.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
Don't put yourself in the role of victim in this situation. It only serves to set the table for that pity party, and you don't want to go down that road. You need to come from a position of strength, not weakness. He is the one who appears weakened, however, and it borders on pathetic that he would return so quickly into the needy, no doubt, arms of his ex. Obviously, they have problems in their relationship -- but it appears it's going to take more time to end it. He handled this very poorly, and it does not speak well of him despite him being handsome, funny, and loves to party. This party boy seems to be a little thin of character, too, and you need to take a look at the reality of who he is, and not the dream you've allowed yourself to create around him. This isn't necessarily a wash between you and him -- but if he does come back into your life, you''d have to take the relationship at a slower pace in order to know what you're truly getting in him. Is he really the great guy you think he is, or a figment of your imagination? Again, to not call you to apologize and make clear his stance, well, it makes him a bit of a gutless wonder in my book, and it should be written on a page in yours, as well.
I've been Googling around trying to get some advice on what to do. I really like this guy, I met him along time ago at my friend house, and I liked him then, but was too scared to say anything. Anyways years past, I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. We reunited after our mutual friend past away. We hung out one night after the funeral and neither of us had out significant other. We had so much fun together talking and laughing. He told me he like me and I told him how I liked him. We both ended up kissing that night and falling asleep together. We both agreed that should never happen, again, and tried to go on. I couldn't stop thinking about him and I kept hearing how he was talking about me. I heard he wanted to break up with his girlfriend , and I wanted to break up with my boyfriend because we were having problems and I couldn't get this other guy out of my head. I ended up breaking it off with him. Me and the other guy kept hanging out as friends. One day, I heard he broke up with ex and we ended up hanging out one night, and having one of the best nights of my life. He admitted that he broke up with her for me. We ended up sleeping with each other that night. Then the next day. I saw him on the phone with her and then he told me he was going to try to work it out with her. I tried to act cool, but I told him I totally regretted sleeping with him because I felt used. Even though he tried to explain to me that it wasn't like that. I feel it was. That was last week and he hasn't texted or called me at all. I'm really sad because I do really like him. I feel like his girlfriend isn't even right for him. She not cute, funny, nor does she even like doing anything. Hes funny, so handsome and he loves to party. All of the qualities I posses! I want to know if we just jumped in to things too quick, and it freaked him out once he realizes that, and he'll be back -- or if I should just try and forget about him because I was just used after all.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
Don't put yourself in the role of victim in this situation. It only serves to set the table for that pity party, and you don't want to go down that road. You need to come from a position of strength, not weakness. He is the one who appears weakened, however, and it borders on pathetic that he would return so quickly into the needy, no doubt, arms of his ex. Obviously, they have problems in their relationship -- but it appears it's going to take more time to end it. He handled this very poorly, and it does not speak well of him despite him being handsome, funny, and loves to party. This party boy seems to be a little thin of character, too, and you need to take a look at the reality of who he is, and not the dream you've allowed yourself to create around him. This isn't necessarily a wash between you and him -- but if he does come back into your life, you''d have to take the relationship at a slower pace in order to know what you're truly getting in him. Is he really the great guy you think he is, or a figment of your imagination? Again, to not call you to apologize and make clear his stance, well, it makes him a bit of a gutless wonder in my book, and it should be written on a page in yours, as well.
