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Boyfriend's Girl Friend
- By Miss Emily
- Published 02/1/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My boyfriend has this friend and they work together. But even before they worked together he knew her. I have never had a problem with her. I've actually always liked her and thought she was a really great person. I don't doubt that she is, and that could be why he spends so much time with her. This is where my question comes in. Is it a little odd that after they get off of work they supposedly sit in the parking lot and talk? He says it's usually him, her, and other employees but then sometimes it's just her. Also after he gets home from hanging out with her, after work, he texts her all night sometimes until like 6 or 7am. Recently, I have been trying to hang out with them more to try to understand the situation before I just assume something is going on, but it doesn't really work that way since they work together. Recently, I was gone over the weekend and he had her over to the house -- and she never comes over and hangs out. We usually go to her and her boyfriend's house. I don't know I just have the strange feeling something is not right. Am I overreacting?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
No, I don't think you're overreacting. It's only natural to want to be #1 in your boyfriend's life, and the amount of time he spends with her is more than you spend with him -- and texting her all night is horribly disrespectful to you. Amazing. He seems to be honest with you about sitting in the car with her, and having her over when you weren't there, but I see no reason not to ask for some boundaries in their relationship -- to be respectful, limit texting and have her over only when you are there. I would tell him that you have no issues with his friendship with her, you like her, but things happen between people and you want to be the first to know if anything happens between them. You will handle it with maturity, but you only wish to not be played for a fool. Do ask for his trust in this matter, and that he will keep it between you and him. If he were to tell her, you'd probably know it by the way she behaved around you in the future. If the roles were reversed, I think it's more than likely that he would feel the same.
My boyfriend has this friend and they work together. But even before they worked together he knew her. I have never had a problem with her. I've actually always liked her and thought she was a really great person. I don't doubt that she is, and that could be why he spends so much time with her. This is where my question comes in. Is it a little odd that after they get off of work they supposedly sit in the parking lot and talk? He says it's usually him, her, and other employees but then sometimes it's just her. Also after he gets home from hanging out with her, after work, he texts her all night sometimes until like 6 or 7am. Recently, I have been trying to hang out with them more to try to understand the situation before I just assume something is going on, but it doesn't really work that way since they work together. Recently, I was gone over the weekend and he had her over to the house -- and she never comes over and hangs out. We usually go to her and her boyfriend's house. I don't know I just have the strange feeling something is not right. Am I overreacting?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
No, I don't think you're overreacting. It's only natural to want to be #1 in your boyfriend's life, and the amount of time he spends with her is more than you spend with him -- and texting her all night is horribly disrespectful to you. Amazing. He seems to be honest with you about sitting in the car with her, and having her over when you weren't there, but I see no reason not to ask for some boundaries in their relationship -- to be respectful, limit texting and have her over only when you are there. I would tell him that you have no issues with his friendship with her, you like her, but things happen between people and you want to be the first to know if anything happens between them. You will handle it with maturity, but you only wish to not be played for a fool. Do ask for his trust in this matter, and that he will keep it between you and him. If he were to tell her, you'd probably know it by the way she behaved around you in the future. If the roles were reversed, I think it's more than likely that he would feel the same.
