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Counseling First
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/27/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I am a 25 year old woman and I have been with my current bf for almost 4 years. We have lived together for 2 years. In the last year, I have been feeling very off and on about our relationship. The last 3 months I have not been attracted to him. In the last year and a half he has put on 30 pounds. He is ten years older than me, which never seemed to matter, but now he seems 20 years older and it bothers me. He went away for three weeks and I did not miss him. I want to break up. But I am so scared. It will destroy him. He sometimes talks like I saved him or something. His family loves me and want us to get married. I know it is time to break up, but we have a bunch of visitors coming starting in 2 weeks -- his family, one after another will be coming to stay at our house. I don't know when to do it. Some advice would be appreciated I can not talk to anyone else.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
You've been with him for 4 years, and I think you can stick out the group of visitors that are coming before rocking the boat. Try to keep yourself busy during this time, and not always available when family is around. If they bring up marriage, tell them you want to table any talk about that until you and your boyfriend have a chance to discuss it. And then change the subject. In order not to dump a split on him, after everyone has gone, tell him you are having doubts about the relationship and would like some couples counseling to get this straightened out. Of course, he will wonder why you think it's needed, and that's when you can tell him you've been having some doubts about the relationship.. By suggesting couples counseling, it leaves the door open to fixing problems, even though you think you have decided to end it. It sounds deceptive, I know, but you've had four years in this relationship and a gradual withdrawal would be the best approach. A couple sessions with a counselor allows you be more diplomatic when a third party is in the room. If he refuses, that's when you can lower the boom. This isn't easy, I know. Matters of the heart seldom are. But you can't stay in this relationship knowing how you feel, and he doesn't deserve -- whether he knows it or not -- to be with a woman who no longer loves him in the way he should want to be loved.
I am a 25 year old woman and I have been with my current bf for almost 4 years. We have lived together for 2 years. In the last year, I have been feeling very off and on about our relationship. The last 3 months I have not been attracted to him. In the last year and a half he has put on 30 pounds. He is ten years older than me, which never seemed to matter, but now he seems 20 years older and it bothers me. He went away for three weeks and I did not miss him. I want to break up. But I am so scared. It will destroy him. He sometimes talks like I saved him or something. His family loves me and want us to get married. I know it is time to break up, but we have a bunch of visitors coming starting in 2 weeks -- his family, one after another will be coming to stay at our house. I don't know when to do it. Some advice would be appreciated I can not talk to anyone else.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
You've been with him for 4 years, and I think you can stick out the group of visitors that are coming before rocking the boat. Try to keep yourself busy during this time, and not always available when family is around. If they bring up marriage, tell them you want to table any talk about that until you and your boyfriend have a chance to discuss it. And then change the subject. In order not to dump a split on him, after everyone has gone, tell him you are having doubts about the relationship and would like some couples counseling to get this straightened out. Of course, he will wonder why you think it's needed, and that's when you can tell him you've been having some doubts about the relationship.. By suggesting couples counseling, it leaves the door open to fixing problems, even though you think you have decided to end it. It sounds deceptive, I know, but you've had four years in this relationship and a gradual withdrawal would be the best approach. A couple sessions with a counselor allows you be more diplomatic when a third party is in the room. If he refuses, that's when you can lower the boom. This isn't easy, I know. Matters of the heart seldom are. But you can't stay in this relationship knowing how you feel, and he doesn't deserve -- whether he knows it or not -- to be with a woman who no longer loves him in the way he should want to be loved.
