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Bad Boy Blues
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/26/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
Okay, so I have a boyfriend that I have been on and off with for 2 years due to him cheating and being very rude. He is 18 years old. I love him with all my heart, but my family and friends really hate him for all he has done to me. Recently, he got sent to jail for just over a month for shining a laser at a helicopter (he is also very immature at times), which gave me a lot of time to think about what a mistake this relationship could be. In the meantime, I ended up meeting a guy. He is 25 and really the total opposite of my boyfriend. He knows what he wants in life, and he is such a sweetheart and a gentlemen. He knows nothing about my boyfriend, and I would rather him not. I need advice on who to stay with, (I'm thinking the new guy would be the smartest decision), and advice on how to break the other relationship off. Keep in mind my boyfriend has anger issues.. Additional details: I'm an 18 year old female. I'm very grown up for my age, and being with my boyfriend can often make me wonder why am I still here? But also I love him very much. Thank you!
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
More important than the fact this new guy knows what he wants in life, what do you want in life? I found it a little amusing when you said that during the time of your boyfriend's incarceration, you thought about what a mistake this relationship could be, rather than admitting that there have been many mistakes or, at least, troubled areas that raised red flags as big as Texas -- cheating on you, verbal abuse (you define it as rude), and his anger issues. I suspect his immaturity is rooted in "issues" growing up. You can enlighten me on that in another e-mail. I know there is the lure of the "bad boy" but it gets old, after a while, when you realize that the reason he takes risks, have a bad attitude, and throws caution to the wind is because he has simply troubled. Perhaps I'm exaggerating the problems with him, but at the very least, he's reckless. You've broken up with him before, and you can't stay with him out of fear -- although I think you might be using that as an excuse to remain in this dependent relationship. This new guy could be a catch, but I'm not sure you're ready for someone who's that "normal." If you have any ability to move forward, rather than stay mired in the past, you're going to have to make some hard choices and gather the courage to enforce them. A wise person would take a stand, break it off with your boyfriend (it's time) and, then, see if it's possible to have a healthy relationship with someone new. I don't know whether that's this new guy, he might have come along too soon, but someone who offers more than a dysfunctional teenage boy who needs to be needed, and for all the wrong reasons. Getting your act together is paramount. If you're incapable of doing this, maybe your boyfriend is more suited to you than you and I realize.
Okay, so I have a boyfriend that I have been on and off with for 2 years due to him cheating and being very rude. He is 18 years old. I love him with all my heart, but my family and friends really hate him for all he has done to me. Recently, he got sent to jail for just over a month for shining a laser at a helicopter (he is also very immature at times), which gave me a lot of time to think about what a mistake this relationship could be. In the meantime, I ended up meeting a guy. He is 25 and really the total opposite of my boyfriend. He knows what he wants in life, and he is such a sweetheart and a gentlemen. He knows nothing about my boyfriend, and I would rather him not. I need advice on who to stay with, (I'm thinking the new guy would be the smartest decision), and advice on how to break the other relationship off. Keep in mind my boyfriend has anger issues.. Additional details: I'm an 18 year old female. I'm very grown up for my age, and being with my boyfriend can often make me wonder why am I still here? But also I love him very much. Thank you!
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
More important than the fact this new guy knows what he wants in life, what do you want in life? I found it a little amusing when you said that during the time of your boyfriend's incarceration, you thought about what a mistake this relationship could be, rather than admitting that there have been many mistakes or, at least, troubled areas that raised red flags as big as Texas -- cheating on you, verbal abuse (you define it as rude), and his anger issues. I suspect his immaturity is rooted in "issues" growing up. You can enlighten me on that in another e-mail. I know there is the lure of the "bad boy" but it gets old, after a while, when you realize that the reason he takes risks, have a bad attitude, and throws caution to the wind is because he has simply troubled. Perhaps I'm exaggerating the problems with him, but at the very least, he's reckless. You've broken up with him before, and you can't stay with him out of fear -- although I think you might be using that as an excuse to remain in this dependent relationship. This new guy could be a catch, but I'm not sure you're ready for someone who's that "normal." If you have any ability to move forward, rather than stay mired in the past, you're going to have to make some hard choices and gather the courage to enforce them. A wise person would take a stand, break it off with your boyfriend (it's time) and, then, see if it's possible to have a healthy relationship with someone new. I don't know whether that's this new guy, he might have come along too soon, but someone who offers more than a dysfunctional teenage boy who needs to be needed, and for all the wrong reasons. Getting your act together is paramount. If you're incapable of doing this, maybe your boyfriend is more suited to you than you and I realize.
