Hi, i really need help with my relationship and i thought that having a general opinion would help me to figure out what is wrong. I'm with my bf for about 2 years,and I'm mostly unhappy because i can't let go of him. He treats me like nothing. When we started all was great, and i felt like the luckiest person ever -- but then things started to change. I found out things on is computer like videos of naked women that some girl sent to him -- and other stuff on the Internet. He rarely takes me anywhere. We don't live together. He goes out with his friends, doesn't do anything nice to surprise me and, apart from that, he spends all day on the Internet playing games, and leaves both laptops on during the night. I'm not perfect, i know, i complain about things and, sadly, i have no friends in England  -- so i feel so lost. But i cook for him, take the food to him when he's playing videos, and i wash his clothes and iron them. I give him all the love i can, but i complain, and he says I'm unbalanced. I'm so unhappy. My family always says how lovely i am, and my friends in Portugal, and that i can have someone that can truly make me happy. But i don't know why i can't let it go,even being unhappy 99% of the time.

-----------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------------------


I think your loneliness, the fear of being alone, is at the core of your reasoning to stay with him. You're thinking -- but if didn't have him, I would have no one. Now, that said, another person might have walked away a lot sooner, and it has much to do with self-esteem. At first, in any relationship, a person puts his, or her best foot forward. Hopefully, it stays that way -- but so often it doesn't. When the balance shifts too far in the negative range, and the issues aren't immediately addressed, a pattern is set.  In your case, you ending up giving more, and he being the placated recipient. And now, you're are an enabler. You allow him to take from you, to treat you poorly, because you helped set the stage for it. You know your friends are right, and you have the confirmation from me. There's no magic wand (my mantra),  it simply will take courage to walk away and find yourself, again. Better now, than when your spirit is so broken, you know of nothing else but to be treated poorly by a man.