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Ex-boyfriend Dealing With Depression
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/15/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My Boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me recently. Although we've only been together 2 years he has been telling me he loved me for the 4 years before that, while we were just friends. Even up to the day before he broke up with me everything was normal. He told me he had missed me because he hadn't seen me for 2 days and he loves me so much. The next day, he phoned me to say we should break up and I'm completely devastated. He still wants to be friends. His family have told me he has been diagnosed with depression and is now on medication. I have talked to him since the break up, and he has told me that we are broken up because he's not good enough for me, that I'm very clever and perfect, but hes dragging me down with him. I told him that's not what's happening at all, but it was like talking to myself. I've never been in love with anyone like this, and it was always him that would go around telling people that we would be married one day and have a family -- but now I feel like the future has disappeared for me. I feel empty, and like I don't exist. I cry every day .Is it likely when he gets through this that he is going to want me back? I've told him I'm always going to be here for him.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I am so sorry for you, and him. Depression is, often times, a rather difficult mental disorder to deal with -- for the individual and loved ones. A family member, or mate feels so terribly helpless. This is a major concern, because there was nothing that you could see that led up to this -- or you simply didn't choose to see it. That tells me he has suppressed a lot of his sadness, and feelings of emptiness around you. That alone would be mentally draining. The things he said to you -- you're perfect, and clever, he's not good enough for you, and he drags you down are indications of the internal struggle he has been going through. It seems now it's come to a head. It's extremely awkward for you, because he said that you and he can still be friends. It will be difficult for him, as well. I don't see that there's much you can do other than be a support system while he's trying to work this out. Cut him a wide birth in order for him to not feel pressured. Hopefully, his medication will improve the quality of his life and he'll come back to you, but he needs to get to the bottom of why he feels insecure, and incapable of seeing himself as a equal partner in this relationship. I think he needs therapy, but you didn't say if that's part of his recovery. Anti-depressants are good, but this may go deeper than using medication alone. This is a wait and see situation, as agonizing as it is for you. Right now, there are no guarantees.
My Boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me recently. Although we've only been together 2 years he has been telling me he loved me for the 4 years before that, while we were just friends. Even up to the day before he broke up with me everything was normal. He told me he had missed me because he hadn't seen me for 2 days and he loves me so much. The next day, he phoned me to say we should break up and I'm completely devastated. He still wants to be friends. His family have told me he has been diagnosed with depression and is now on medication. I have talked to him since the break up, and he has told me that we are broken up because he's not good enough for me, that I'm very clever and perfect, but hes dragging me down with him. I told him that's not what's happening at all, but it was like talking to myself. I've never been in love with anyone like this, and it was always him that would go around telling people that we would be married one day and have a family -- but now I feel like the future has disappeared for me. I feel empty, and like I don't exist. I cry every day .Is it likely when he gets through this that he is going to want me back? I've told him I'm always going to be here for him.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I am so sorry for you, and him. Depression is, often times, a rather difficult mental disorder to deal with -- for the individual and loved ones. A family member, or mate feels so terribly helpless. This is a major concern, because there was nothing that you could see that led up to this -- or you simply didn't choose to see it. That tells me he has suppressed a lot of his sadness, and feelings of emptiness around you. That alone would be mentally draining. The things he said to you -- you're perfect, and clever, he's not good enough for you, and he drags you down are indications of the internal struggle he has been going through. It seems now it's come to a head. It's extremely awkward for you, because he said that you and he can still be friends. It will be difficult for him, as well. I don't see that there's much you can do other than be a support system while he's trying to work this out. Cut him a wide birth in order for him to not feel pressured. Hopefully, his medication will improve the quality of his life and he'll come back to you, but he needs to get to the bottom of why he feels insecure, and incapable of seeing himself as a equal partner in this relationship. I think he needs therapy, but you didn't say if that's part of his recovery. Anti-depressants are good, but this may go deeper than using medication alone. This is a wait and see situation, as agonizing as it is for you. Right now, there are no guarantees.
