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Relationship Tug-of-War
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/13/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
So Ive in a relationship with my high school sweetheart since I was 16, I'm 20yrs old now. We have had our share of ups and downs. But after a long year of arguing and him seeing other females behind my back we broke up during the summer of 2010. I took this time to find myself and get my life in order -- he, on the other hand, took this time to embarrass me, and be seen by my friends and family with another girl. I forgive him for his actions, only because we technical were broken up. After forgiving him, he still continued to do is dirt in the streets. Three days after a big fight with me, he got arrested for a crime that happened while he was doing his dirt. He was in jail for 5mths and, to me, it felt like he was gone forever. We fought a lot while is was in jail. He told me numerous amounts of times that I was worthless, so me being the sensitive caring person, I am I gave him his space. Upon doing those things, I met a guy, older than me by just a few years. He's a gentlemen, smart, caring and loveable kind of guy. I think I might possibly have a deep feeling for this new guy but, just my luck, the ex-factor gets outta jail and the only thing on his mind is me. So me being the lover, runs to his rescue and he acts the same towards me. Both guys know everything -- that I have a feeling for each one. Who is best for me the silent lover, or the outspoken lover?For months now Ive been in this love tug-of-war, and I seek advice just as an opinion of what you would do in this situation.
-------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------------------
You're a smart girl -- although we often do things out of guilt and habit. This high school sweetheart is capitalizing on what he knows about you, and how he can manipulate you because of it. And you only enable him if you allow it. His anger toward you, his vitriol, is misplaced. He's angry at himself, deep down, but his conscious mind sees fit to blame everyone else for his misfortune. Now I'm willing to accept, if he comes from a dysfunction family, that he doesn't know how to behave. But if that's the case, and he's not willing to confront his demons, there's not much you're going to be able to do for him -- other than allow yourself to be a "whipping boy" for his anger. I think, with the other guy, you've gotten a taste of what it's like to get out of a relationship what you really want. You have to decide whose life you want to live -- yours, or this "jailbird." Running to him is like a parent to a child, or a long-time friend who came to aid him at a low point in his life -- but that's not to be confused with a respectful, solid, and equal relationship. You may simply be a person who doesn't have the courage to break ties with the past, and move forward into a healthy relationship. For your sake, I hope that's not the case.
So Ive in a relationship with my high school sweetheart since I was 16, I'm 20yrs old now. We have had our share of ups and downs. But after a long year of arguing and him seeing other females behind my back we broke up during the summer of 2010. I took this time to find myself and get my life in order -- he, on the other hand, took this time to embarrass me, and be seen by my friends and family with another girl. I forgive him for his actions, only because we technical were broken up. After forgiving him, he still continued to do is dirt in the streets. Three days after a big fight with me, he got arrested for a crime that happened while he was doing his dirt. He was in jail for 5mths and, to me, it felt like he was gone forever. We fought a lot while is was in jail. He told me numerous amounts of times that I was worthless, so me being the sensitive caring person, I am I gave him his space. Upon doing those things, I met a guy, older than me by just a few years. He's a gentlemen, smart, caring and loveable kind of guy. I think I might possibly have a deep feeling for this new guy but, just my luck, the ex-factor gets outta jail and the only thing on his mind is me. So me being the lover, runs to his rescue and he acts the same towards me. Both guys know everything -- that I have a feeling for each one. Who is best for me the silent lover, or the outspoken lover?For months now Ive been in this love tug-of-war, and I seek advice just as an opinion of what you would do in this situation.
-------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------------------
You're a smart girl -- although we often do things out of guilt and habit. This high school sweetheart is capitalizing on what he knows about you, and how he can manipulate you because of it. And you only enable him if you allow it. His anger toward you, his vitriol, is misplaced. He's angry at himself, deep down, but his conscious mind sees fit to blame everyone else for his misfortune. Now I'm willing to accept, if he comes from a dysfunction family, that he doesn't know how to behave. But if that's the case, and he's not willing to confront his demons, there's not much you're going to be able to do for him -- other than allow yourself to be a "whipping boy" for his anger. I think, with the other guy, you've gotten a taste of what it's like to get out of a relationship what you really want. You have to decide whose life you want to live -- yours, or this "jailbird." Running to him is like a parent to a child, or a long-time friend who came to aid him at a low point in his life -- but that's not to be confused with a respectful, solid, and equal relationship. You may simply be a person who doesn't have the courage to break ties with the past, and move forward into a healthy relationship. For your sake, I hope that's not the case.
