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More Than Friends
- By Miss Emily
- Published 01/10/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I've been friends with this guy for over a year now. Within the year, I've dated other guys, but no relationship has stuck. Either I have ended them, or they've just fizzled. This guy is my next door neighbor, so we spend a lot of time together. We've gotten to be really close. Ever since we met, we've both felt an attraction to each other. He's kissed me before. He listens when I need to talk, and I do the same. We have genuine conversations about all kinds of things. Simple things like how our day was to deeper things like why he and his mom don't get along, or things going on in my life. He notices little things like when I get a new pair of shoes or if I wear my hair different. We make each other laugh. When I'm upset about something but hide it with a smile, he sees through it and tries to make me feel better. He tells me I look beautiful even when I look my worst. Even though we're both terrible, we sing to each other along with the radio when we ride places together. I'm completely myself around him. He's protective and looks out for me. The big problem is that he has a girlfriend. They've been together for about two years. Within those two years, they've been on again off again. We've talked about her before. Like why they break up. We've never talked about having a relationship between the two of us though. I know that I'm helping him cheat on his girlfriend when I let him kiss me, but when we do, it just feels right. I've been single for several months now and, within those months, I've had a lot of time to think about what I want in a relationship. All the things I want are qualities of this guy. Whenever we're together, people comment on how natural we are and how they could see us as the best friends that find out they're in love and end up together in the end. I don't want anything to damage our friendship because it means a lot to me. But I don't know what to do. I think I may love him.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
Obviously, the big question is why he still has a girlfriend. The way I see it, this is a statement about gutlessness, and selfishness -- although I'm willing to admit that this kind of situation provokes it by way of loving "best friends" and the proximity. I don't know why this girlfriend is so out-of-the-loop on this, but nobody is doing her any favors by keeping her in the dark. For your own sake, I'd cool all of this togetherness, and tell him why. Your attraction for him, and vice-versa, coupled with the kissing, has already exceeded the normal boundaries of friendship. Unless he's willing to take a stand and cut it off with his girlfriend, I don't see things changing any time, too soon -- especially if you accept the status quo. All that will get you is a heap of frustration, because he hasn't the courage to man-up and severe one relationship before he takes on another. There are reasons he keeps his girlfriend around -- and none of them speak well of him. You stand to have your heart broken if you continue down this path -- without making your feelings known.
I've been friends with this guy for over a year now. Within the year, I've dated other guys, but no relationship has stuck. Either I have ended them, or they've just fizzled. This guy is my next door neighbor, so we spend a lot of time together. We've gotten to be really close. Ever since we met, we've both felt an attraction to each other. He's kissed me before. He listens when I need to talk, and I do the same. We have genuine conversations about all kinds of things. Simple things like how our day was to deeper things like why he and his mom don't get along, or things going on in my life. He notices little things like when I get a new pair of shoes or if I wear my hair different. We make each other laugh. When I'm upset about something but hide it with a smile, he sees through it and tries to make me feel better. He tells me I look beautiful even when I look my worst. Even though we're both terrible, we sing to each other along with the radio when we ride places together. I'm completely myself around him. He's protective and looks out for me. The big problem is that he has a girlfriend. They've been together for about two years. Within those two years, they've been on again off again. We've talked about her before. Like why they break up. We've never talked about having a relationship between the two of us though. I know that I'm helping him cheat on his girlfriend when I let him kiss me, but when we do, it just feels right. I've been single for several months now and, within those months, I've had a lot of time to think about what I want in a relationship. All the things I want are qualities of this guy. Whenever we're together, people comment on how natural we are and how they could see us as the best friends that find out they're in love and end up together in the end. I don't want anything to damage our friendship because it means a lot to me. But I don't know what to do. I think I may love him.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
Obviously, the big question is why he still has a girlfriend. The way I see it, this is a statement about gutlessness, and selfishness -- although I'm willing to admit that this kind of situation provokes it by way of loving "best friends" and the proximity. I don't know why this girlfriend is so out-of-the-loop on this, but nobody is doing her any favors by keeping her in the dark. For your own sake, I'd cool all of this togetherness, and tell him why. Your attraction for him, and vice-versa, coupled with the kissing, has already exceeded the normal boundaries of friendship. Unless he's willing to take a stand and cut it off with his girlfriend, I don't see things changing any time, too soon -- especially if you accept the status quo. All that will get you is a heap of frustration, because he hasn't the courage to man-up and severe one relationship before he takes on another. There are reasons he keeps his girlfriend around -- and none of them speak well of him. You stand to have your heart broken if you continue down this path -- without making your feelings known.
