I recently just started dating a friend of 6 years.  She was in a relationship the last 2.5 yrs and recently broke up with him about 6 months ago. They were pretty serious and living together. They broke up because he couldn't commit to marriage with her.  I have always had feelings for her and just disclosed this to here 2 months ago.  She disclosed the same feelings and things were amazing.  Just recently, her ex called her after finding out that they she was dating someone else.  After that call, about a week ago, my new girlfriend says she is very confused and needs to figure things out.  She says she wants to keep talking, but also needs to think about  what she wants.  We had already talked about marriage and me moving closer to her as right now it is long distance.  She won't give me any specifics as to what exactly she needs to figure out, because she says she does not know exactly what she needs to figure out.  She says that she feels confused and just wants to feel the way she did when we first got together.  I am not sure if I should keep my distance and let her figure it out and wait for something, or continue to talk to her everyday with the hope that will eventually figure it out.  When we first got together, I specifically told her that I was all in only if she was all in and this wasn't just a safety net for her breakup.  She assured me it wasn't.  I love her and have for years.  She has told me the same thing.  It's really eating away at me.  I don't know what she wants.  Please help

----------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------------------

I'm getting a lot of letters like this, recently, and it seems almost epidemic! There's a huge risk of getting too involved with her at this point -- although she seems to be letting you know that, as well, by her trepidation to take this new romance any further. Let her alone to figure this out because, if you don't, you may end up being only a band-aid, while the wound still fights to heal. And that's not a good place to be if you have any self-respect. She's not a child. Keep in contact, but be realistic. She needs to work this out with the ex. Maybe it is the sort of thing where he doesn't want to be with her, but he doesn't want anyone else to be with her, either. The ego plays some rotten tricks on innocent victims. But you don't want to be caught in the crossfire, and if she is a decent person, she won't want to put you there. Be cautious, and be strong. It's not always possible to protect your heart, but you've been forewarned. She simply has to be over this ex to make it work with you. And that's not the case now.