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How Long Does Patience Last?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/20/2010
- Relationships - Women
Hi Emily,
I've been with my boyfriend for almost four months. We're both going back to school and on break. He, last week, had his step father's brother pass away of old age and had expensive equipment recently stolen from a failed business that he was trying to sell. Those thousands of dollars were part of his retirement he says and for his 6 year old son. He's very depressed and has severed himself off from communication. He says he's not good company right now and can't sleep. I haven't seen hm since Thanksgiving, which some of the busy times were school. He gives to family and everyone but us. We both talked about being potential partners so I know where he stands, but actions speak otherwise. He did not call me after almost a week. I had called twice -- then backed off. I showed up at his house just to be supportive, and to communicate I need him to just call and that I understand. He asked me to be patient with him. My frustration is this hurts me very much, I give so much and need him to communicate as life happens. My game plan is to talk more in depth after he gets more out of the woods, as he told me he doesn't have anything to give. When I asked if this means the relationship and what can I do for him he replied -- I need you to be patient with me. I just need advice, wondering were to draw the line and not feel taken for granted. Thanks so much for your time.
------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------------
I understand that this is a rough time for him, but I don't think it's a good sign that he's excluding you from his life, right now. It's only been four months since the relationship began, and I suspect you're seeing a side of him you were not, previously, aware. He seems a rather intense individual -- although he is justified in feeling defeated after this financial blow. Personally, I'd give him the space he thinks he wants -- as hard as it may be for you. This is simply who he is when pressure is on. During this time of "being patient" you're going to have to decide if his distancing himself from you, his priorities, and his need for solitude conflict with what you want from a potential partnership. For now, correspond on a minimal basis, and let him come to you.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost four months. We're both going back to school and on break. He, last week, had his step father's brother pass away of old age and had expensive equipment recently stolen from a failed business that he was trying to sell. Those thousands of dollars were part of his retirement he says and for his 6 year old son. He's very depressed and has severed himself off from communication. He says he's not good company right now and can't sleep. I haven't seen hm since Thanksgiving, which some of the busy times were school. He gives to family and everyone but us. We both talked about being potential partners so I know where he stands, but actions speak otherwise. He did not call me after almost a week. I had called twice -- then backed off. I showed up at his house just to be supportive, and to communicate I need him to just call and that I understand. He asked me to be patient with him. My frustration is this hurts me very much, I give so much and need him to communicate as life happens. My game plan is to talk more in depth after he gets more out of the woods, as he told me he doesn't have anything to give. When I asked if this means the relationship and what can I do for him he replied -- I need you to be patient with me. I just need advice, wondering were to draw the line and not feel taken for granted. Thanks so much for your time.
------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------------
I understand that this is a rough time for him, but I don't think it's a good sign that he's excluding you from his life, right now. It's only been four months since the relationship began, and I suspect you're seeing a side of him you were not, previously, aware. He seems a rather intense individual -- although he is justified in feeling defeated after this financial blow. Personally, I'd give him the space he thinks he wants -- as hard as it may be for you. This is simply who he is when pressure is on. During this time of "being patient" you're going to have to decide if his distancing himself from you, his priorities, and his need for solitude conflict with what you want from a potential partnership. For now, correspond on a minimal basis, and let him come to you.
