- Home
- Relationships - Teens
- Responsibility Starts With Her
Responsibility Starts With Her
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/11/2010
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Emily,
I'm a sophomore in high school right now. At the end of my freshman year, I met this amazing guy who was a junior at my school. We started talking right before school ended, and carried on into the summer. we were never official but we talked almost every night and saw each other often. We hooked up a lot as well. He always asked me if I'd ever have sex with him, and me being a virgin always said no. The first fight we got in was about trust. I told him I wouldn't wanna loose it to him, and I made a comment like "well..how do I know you're not playing the same game with a bunch of other girls? And his response was "you don't." and that really made me mad because I really liked him. And even though we were never official, I would still get jealous. School came along, and we were still talking. Things were actually going great. A few weeks into school, he took my virginity. A week latter one of his friends told me he wasn't sure how to tell me this but he liked someone besides me. She was his age. and went to my school, but I didn't know who she was. I finally talked to him and asked him about this girl. We got in a really big fight, and I was really upset for a long time. Then, a random night we ended up together and he told me he wasn't talking to her anymore and convinced me to hook up with him again. But, of course, that next Monday, I saw him with her at school. This routine went on for three months, him using me but still liking her. Me and him hooking up, and me having to witness them together at school. I finally had enough of it and asked him if we could "talk." He was down for it, so I let everything out to him, and he said he understood and told me he didn't wanna stop talking to me and that we both "enjoy" each other -- so there's no point in us to stop what we have and have had going for 5 months. I said I was OK with it. But I'm not okay with it.I can not take seeing him with her at school. but I don't know how to walk away from him. None of my friends understand what I'm going through. I feel like all my friends are fake to me, he's fake to me, and I don't know what's real anymore. I don't know what to do because I feel like I cant walk away from him, because even though he has had feelings for this girl, I know I can treat him better than she does. I don't know how to let go. Please, I'll accept any advice. I just want to feel OK again. Thank you.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
Here's the saddest part of all, you're being fake, and disloyal to yourself. You have the power to not give in to him, but you haven't used it. You have responsibility in this relationship, and you refuse to recognize it. I am still amazed that girls your age relinquish their power to boys like they have for centuries -- even now that we're in the 21st century! You'd think it would be history by now. He isn't your leader, your mentor, nor your captor. He's a guy who likes you, and another girl, right now, but wants to continue having sex with you. There is no assurance that he's going to see you as the better female in this drama. He doesn't have to when you make statements like "I can treat him better than she can." This may be a contest, but he's winning in both cases, and you and this girl look like fools trying to compete with a guy who shows no respect for either of you. If you don't care about respecting yourself, how can you expect anyone to treat you with respect? It's earned, and you missed the memo on that. Bottom line: He's taken advantage of the relationship because you allow it. If I were you, but I'm not sure you are capable of doing this, I'd tell him this: "I've thought long and hard about what's going on, here, and I've decided to back out. Let me know if your situation changes." And I hope you always use protection. An unwanted pregnancy in the teen years is hell, unless you're up for an abortion that's costly and harder to get these days. The resentment, and heartache is tremendous when the father of your child starts treating you like a pariah. If you want to know what alone feels like, try that on for size. The movie Juno was more fantasy, than reality. It's time for you to take back your life. It will serve you well in the future. If you don't, be prepared for the same treatment down the road.
I'm a sophomore in high school right now. At the end of my freshman year, I met this amazing guy who was a junior at my school. We started talking right before school ended, and carried on into the summer. we were never official but we talked almost every night and saw each other often. We hooked up a lot as well. He always asked me if I'd ever have sex with him, and me being a virgin always said no. The first fight we got in was about trust. I told him I wouldn't wanna loose it to him, and I made a comment like "well..how do I know you're not playing the same game with a bunch of other girls? And his response was "you don't." and that really made me mad because I really liked him. And even though we were never official, I would still get jealous. School came along, and we were still talking. Things were actually going great. A few weeks into school, he took my virginity. A week latter one of his friends told me he wasn't sure how to tell me this but he liked someone besides me. She was his age. and went to my school, but I didn't know who she was. I finally talked to him and asked him about this girl. We got in a really big fight, and I was really upset for a long time. Then, a random night we ended up together and he told me he wasn't talking to her anymore and convinced me to hook up with him again. But, of course, that next Monday, I saw him with her at school. This routine went on for three months, him using me but still liking her. Me and him hooking up, and me having to witness them together at school. I finally had enough of it and asked him if we could "talk." He was down for it, so I let everything out to him, and he said he understood and told me he didn't wanna stop talking to me and that we both "enjoy" each other -- so there's no point in us to stop what we have and have had going for 5 months. I said I was OK with it. But I'm not okay with it.I can not take seeing him with her at school. but I don't know how to walk away from him. None of my friends understand what I'm going through. I feel like all my friends are fake to me, he's fake to me, and I don't know what's real anymore. I don't know what to do because I feel like I cant walk away from him, because even though he has had feelings for this girl, I know I can treat him better than she does. I don't know how to let go. Please, I'll accept any advice. I just want to feel OK again. Thank you.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
Here's the saddest part of all, you're being fake, and disloyal to yourself. You have the power to not give in to him, but you haven't used it. You have responsibility in this relationship, and you refuse to recognize it. I am still amazed that girls your age relinquish their power to boys like they have for centuries -- even now that we're in the 21st century! You'd think it would be history by now. He isn't your leader, your mentor, nor your captor. He's a guy who likes you, and another girl, right now, but wants to continue having sex with you. There is no assurance that he's going to see you as the better female in this drama. He doesn't have to when you make statements like "I can treat him better than she can." This may be a contest, but he's winning in both cases, and you and this girl look like fools trying to compete with a guy who shows no respect for either of you. If you don't care about respecting yourself, how can you expect anyone to treat you with respect? It's earned, and you missed the memo on that. Bottom line: He's taken advantage of the relationship because you allow it. If I were you, but I'm not sure you are capable of doing this, I'd tell him this: "I've thought long and hard about what's going on, here, and I've decided to back out. Let me know if your situation changes." And I hope you always use protection. An unwanted pregnancy in the teen years is hell, unless you're up for an abortion that's costly and harder to get these days. The resentment, and heartache is tremendous when the father of your child starts treating you like a pariah. If you want to know what alone feels like, try that on for size. The movie Juno was more fantasy, than reality. It's time for you to take back your life. It will serve you well in the future. If you don't, be prepared for the same treatment down the road.
