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Wishful Thinking?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/9/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I met this guy 8 months ago and our relationship has grown to a beautiful loving caring one.He loves me and I love him -- but one month ago he confessed to me that he is married and is about to have a child with her in less than a month. He explained to me the whole situation on how he was never happy with her. They were married for 7 years and he never wanted to give her a child, and she could not get pregnant due to health issues. Now that she is pregnant, he feels that he can finally let her go and divorce her because she has someone else to love and care for. He wants to be in his son's life, and he wants to care for him but he doesn't wanna lose me. He tells me all the time sinceIi found out that he never told me because he didn't want to lose me but he knew that he had to sometime. He is with me almost every day. Recently, I gave him an ultimatum. I told him that he has 2 months to tell her he wants a divorce and start the paperwork, or else I won't stay. He said he'll do it, but I can't help to feel sad and confused, and I don't know what to do! He says he loves me and wants to marry me, and have a family with me. We have goals and dreams together, but I don't know if i can resist this phase and stick to it, or should I let it go????
------------------------------Miss Emiy's advice------------------------
I'd like to tell you to let it go, but I'm not sure that's even a possibility for you because you have great hope that he is a man of his word -- despite the really cowardly, and gutless way he handled this whole thing. To tell you he was married with a child on the way, this late in the game, is so blatantly selfish, I wonder what kind of husband he would make even if you two were to get that far. Hold him to your ultimatum, but I don't know whether you'll win (and I hesitate to even consider it a win). Once the baby comes, I think it would be really difficult to sever the new family unit, and it's a nasty job to dump your wife just after childbirth. But this man doesn't seem to think he will be part of the new family he just help create and can easily take the flack from his wife, friends and his birth family. Okay, that's fine. And if you still thinks he's worth it, knowing that this is not going to be an extended vacation in the Bahamas, go for it. But the cute, and cozy dreams you and he have of walking down life's highway together may not be as flowery once reality rears its ugly head. It will take nerves of steel, and a love so deep, to weather all the potential storms ahead. Good luck to you.
I met this guy 8 months ago and our relationship has grown to a beautiful loving caring one.He loves me and I love him -- but one month ago he confessed to me that he is married and is about to have a child with her in less than a month. He explained to me the whole situation on how he was never happy with her. They were married for 7 years and he never wanted to give her a child, and she could not get pregnant due to health issues. Now that she is pregnant, he feels that he can finally let her go and divorce her because she has someone else to love and care for. He wants to be in his son's life, and he wants to care for him but he doesn't wanna lose me. He tells me all the time sinceIi found out that he never told me because he didn't want to lose me but he knew that he had to sometime. He is with me almost every day. Recently, I gave him an ultimatum. I told him that he has 2 months to tell her he wants a divorce and start the paperwork, or else I won't stay. He said he'll do it, but I can't help to feel sad and confused, and I don't know what to do! He says he loves me and wants to marry me, and have a family with me. We have goals and dreams together, but I don't know if i can resist this phase and stick to it, or should I let it go????
------------------------------Miss Emiy's advice------------------------
I'd like to tell you to let it go, but I'm not sure that's even a possibility for you because you have great hope that he is a man of his word -- despite the really cowardly, and gutless way he handled this whole thing. To tell you he was married with a child on the way, this late in the game, is so blatantly selfish, I wonder what kind of husband he would make even if you two were to get that far. Hold him to your ultimatum, but I don't know whether you'll win (and I hesitate to even consider it a win). Once the baby comes, I think it would be really difficult to sever the new family unit, and it's a nasty job to dump your wife just after childbirth. But this man doesn't seem to think he will be part of the new family he just help create and can easily take the flack from his wife, friends and his birth family. Okay, that's fine. And if you still thinks he's worth it, knowing that this is not going to be an extended vacation in the Bahamas, go for it. But the cute, and cozy dreams you and he have of walking down life's highway together may not be as flowery once reality rears its ugly head. It will take nerves of steel, and a love so deep, to weather all the potential storms ahead. Good luck to you.
