- Home
- Relationships - Women
- On-line Dating Dangers
On-line Dating Dangers
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/5/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have a big problem, but I don't have friends(or let me say one)who is currently out of the country. I am confused, and Ii even feel like dying. I met this 49 year old white guy on line. It's now three months. We talk on the phone,videos -- as he sings for me on his guitar and laughs with me. He calls me everyday. He wakes me up too. I am in love with him so very much, but the problem is he's 49 am I am 20. He's older than my father. Is this normal???? I am in Kenya. He is in the U.S. He already proposed yesterday, and I found myself shouting a big "yes" and I even cried. I am confused. I think I know this man enough. He has a 24year old son whom he lives with, and a daughter who is already married! My family,especially my mum, doesn't care about me nor what I do. It's like I don't even have one. This man is coming to marry me, and we go back to United states as husband and wife. Am I doing something risky? Please don't tell me to follow my heart. Help, Emily.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
Yes, it's risky. I'm not saying he's a creepy man with shifty plans, but that's only one of my major concerns. Knowing this man for only 3 months is not enough time to completely trust him, or that this relationship will work for the long-haul. I think that's true in almost all cases. And I would never say follow your heart. I know the heart gets us into a lot of trouble when we don't include our head in the decision making process. I'm aware you are lonely, and you probably want a way out of your present circumstances, but you don't want to go from the frying pan into the fire. You must tell him that you said yes, way too soon, and you can't make that kind of commitment at this time. There are a lot of American men who look for wives in other countries (no one wants him, here?), and many of these relationships turn out to be nothing even close to what you would want in a marriage. He's is almost 30 years your senior, and the age difference can cause numerous problems. And there are cultural issues that may be conflicting.. As well, you must be fully aware of all the legal ramification of being married to a U.S. citizen, and vice-versa. If he wants to meet you in Kenya, fine. At least you could see him on your turf. But you'd have be confident his intentions are earnest, and his head is on straight before you could ever do something this life-altering . I know it's hard for you to backtrack on this matter, but it's going to be a lot easier to do that, than get stuck in this situation and have it turn out to be a living hell -- far worse than what you know now. Let me know how things turn out.
I have a big problem, but I don't have friends(or let me say one)who is currently out of the country. I am confused, and Ii even feel like dying. I met this 49 year old white guy on line. It's now three months. We talk on the phone,videos -- as he sings for me on his guitar and laughs with me. He calls me everyday. He wakes me up too. I am in love with him so very much, but the problem is he's 49 am I am 20. He's older than my father. Is this normal???? I am in Kenya. He is in the U.S. He already proposed yesterday, and I found myself shouting a big "yes" and I even cried. I am confused. I think I know this man enough. He has a 24year old son whom he lives with, and a daughter who is already married! My family,especially my mum, doesn't care about me nor what I do. It's like I don't even have one. This man is coming to marry me, and we go back to United states as husband and wife. Am I doing something risky? Please don't tell me to follow my heart. Help, Emily.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
Yes, it's risky. I'm not saying he's a creepy man with shifty plans, but that's only one of my major concerns. Knowing this man for only 3 months is not enough time to completely trust him, or that this relationship will work for the long-haul. I think that's true in almost all cases. And I would never say follow your heart. I know the heart gets us into a lot of trouble when we don't include our head in the decision making process. I'm aware you are lonely, and you probably want a way out of your present circumstances, but you don't want to go from the frying pan into the fire. You must tell him that you said yes, way too soon, and you can't make that kind of commitment at this time. There are a lot of American men who look for wives in other countries (no one wants him, here?), and many of these relationships turn out to be nothing even close to what you would want in a marriage. He's is almost 30 years your senior, and the age difference can cause numerous problems. And there are cultural issues that may be conflicting.. As well, you must be fully aware of all the legal ramification of being married to a U.S. citizen, and vice-versa. If he wants to meet you in Kenya, fine. At least you could see him on your turf. But you'd have be confident his intentions are earnest, and his head is on straight before you could ever do something this life-altering . I know it's hard for you to backtrack on this matter, but it's going to be a lot easier to do that, than get stuck in this situation and have it turn out to be a living hell -- far worse than what you know now. Let me know how things turn out.
