Dear Miss Emily:

I am three months into a relationship. So far so good...but...a while back, long before i knew her, a guy she liked treated her very badly. He would lead her on about getting into a relationship, basically using her while he looked for other girls. She was heartbroken and hurt. For whatever reason, they are best friends now. Meanwhile, she feels the need to stay friends with her latest ex. She claims that she feels bad and responsible for breaking his heart similar to what the first boyfriend did to her.  I have no problems with her seeing exes, or friends or whoever, but in both cases is this not the most bizarre reasons to stay friends with someone? And is this a healthy thing for her to do?

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------

Is it healthy? It depends. It's healthy not to hold grudges, but unhealthy for your relationship with her if she keeps these men in her life out of guilt -- or feelings that haven't been resolved and you are part of a triangle she sees as  necessary components to her life.  I wouldn't ask her to ditch these guys (an ultimatum) just yet, but keep an eye on how she behaves around them in order to decipher her true motives. She may be someone who is forgiving and compassionate but, if that's the case, you have to be included in these friendships. To be alienated, in any way, makes a huge statement:  "There are the other guys, and you, and I'm going to keep you all in individual boxes and bring one of you out at my whim."  Don't be hasty in judgment,  just be smart about this situation and trust your instincts.