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- Baby Does Not Make Three
Baby Does Not Make Three
- By Miss Emily
- Published 11/21/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I was with a woman for months and life went crazy. She was faced with many hardships including cancer (which is no longer a problem), family death, and a slew of other smaller things. I was by her side through it, and when the smoke started to clear I did end the relationship. I saw things getting serious and it wasn't the direction I wanted to head. I later found out that she is pregnant and I am the father. During the following months, the most negative feelings and words were had and a slew of fights and blow outs. We tried going to counseling but that also failed. To add to things, I am in love with another woman (this happened after we were already broken up). It really came out of the blue, and I am genuinely in love and so is she. I do claim my responsibility for this child and will do whatever it takes to ensure a happy life. The mother relentlessly wishes I would come be her partner, but I cannot feel the love. Is the right thing for the child for me to remain in an unhappy, one sided relationship? I already tried getting back with her after I found all this out, but it was to no avail. The arguing and fighting would not cease. I am scared, and ironically alone. All eyes are on me. and I can't see a way of doing anything without letting either my family, the child, the mother, or the absolute love of my life down. I have to start having good days, or I will surely lose my mind. I am not cut out for all of this drama, I am a very easygoing man.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
You are doing nothing wrong, and the guilt has to stop. It serves no purpose to let outside pressure be your guide in how you should proceed in this matter. You don't love this woman, and there's no way that's going to happen even if you had a loaded gun to your head. Stand behind what you feel you must do to avoid being a puppet in this drama. I assume the pregnancy was due to not being careful, and both of you have paid a price for that. I also assume you are positive that this is your child. But if there is some doubt, you need to find out for sure. You have that right. But all this being said, love the woman you love, be a stand-up father and financial contributor, and you have my reassurance that you're doing the best thing for you, and all concerned. Being with this woman out of obligation would only prolong the hurt, by later deciding to walk away from her. She should realize this, and if she weren't an emotionally needy person, she'd take full responsibility for her role in this pregnancy and drop the guilt trip. She should not want to be with a man who does not love her -- and a man who has made no attempt to conceal his feelings in the matter. The families will just have to get over it.
I was with a woman for months and life went crazy. She was faced with many hardships including cancer (which is no longer a problem), family death, and a slew of other smaller things. I was by her side through it, and when the smoke started to clear I did end the relationship. I saw things getting serious and it wasn't the direction I wanted to head. I later found out that she is pregnant and I am the father. During the following months, the most negative feelings and words were had and a slew of fights and blow outs. We tried going to counseling but that also failed. To add to things, I am in love with another woman (this happened after we were already broken up). It really came out of the blue, and I am genuinely in love and so is she. I do claim my responsibility for this child and will do whatever it takes to ensure a happy life. The mother relentlessly wishes I would come be her partner, but I cannot feel the love. Is the right thing for the child for me to remain in an unhappy, one sided relationship? I already tried getting back with her after I found all this out, but it was to no avail. The arguing and fighting would not cease. I am scared, and ironically alone. All eyes are on me. and I can't see a way of doing anything without letting either my family, the child, the mother, or the absolute love of my life down. I have to start having good days, or I will surely lose my mind. I am not cut out for all of this drama, I am a very easygoing man.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
You are doing nothing wrong, and the guilt has to stop. It serves no purpose to let outside pressure be your guide in how you should proceed in this matter. You don't love this woman, and there's no way that's going to happen even if you had a loaded gun to your head. Stand behind what you feel you must do to avoid being a puppet in this drama. I assume the pregnancy was due to not being careful, and both of you have paid a price for that. I also assume you are positive that this is your child. But if there is some doubt, you need to find out for sure. You have that right. But all this being said, love the woman you love, be a stand-up father and financial contributor, and you have my reassurance that you're doing the best thing for you, and all concerned. Being with this woman out of obligation would only prolong the hurt, by later deciding to walk away from her. She should realize this, and if she weren't an emotionally needy person, she'd take full responsibility for her role in this pregnancy and drop the guilt trip. She should not want to be with a man who does not love her -- and a man who has made no attempt to conceal his feelings in the matter. The families will just have to get over it.
