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Pregnant And Feeling Abandoned
- By Miss Emily
- Published 11/15/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Emily,
So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we've always had problems in our relationship. I became unexpectedly pregnant and at first it was fine. We talked about moving in, i got him a stable job at my job, and he stopped doing stupid things he was doing now that hes going to be a father. Recently, he's going back to his old habits, seems careless, doesn't want to spend time with me but would rather be with his friends. His mother's moving out here, and he said he's going with her. Like are you serious? What about me and the baby? He isn't acting like the man he should be. He told me that he'll live with his mom and come see me and the baby. It's very hard on me all I want to do is cry. I love him and he isn't being responsible like i want him to be. The baby is coming in 4 months and i don't know what I should do. Let him do whatever he wants or let him go> Help me please.
------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------------------
I wish I had a share of Microsoft stock for every letter I get, from teens and women, who tell me the same story. And it really boils down to this: At first, there is mixed emotion and, then, there's an attempt to accept it and make plans. But when a surprise like this happens, there is no sure bet you can make, that the guy is going to end up following through on the big plans to be there, move in, and be a responsible mate and parent. He's obviously going through the stage where he feels trapped, can't make a commitment because of it, and moving in with "Mom" (his new support system) is like going back to the womb for him. You're going to have to soldier on and see if he comes around once the baby is born. You hope that this is just a case of cold feet, and they'll warm once he sees the face of his baby. And that may be. Perhaps he'll decide to be a real dad, but there's no guarantee he'll fully commit to you. In an ideal world, he would, but you're going to have to plan for you and the baby in the real world, go along with what he's doing now, and try to concentrate of what's best for your unborn child -- and that's a mother who isn't constantly stressed by thinking the man who she once cared a great deal for is nothing more than a child himself, who wouldn't know a real commitment if it slapped him up one side of the head. He seems like he was a bit of an ass before all this happened, and nothing has really changed. He does need to grow-up, but there's no guarantee it will ever happen. He's got his mother as back-up to babysit when he wants to hang with friends -- and that woman is someone I'd want to get friendly with! One thing I do know, however, is that he is responsible for his share of child support and I would hold him to it. Anything else, for now, is iffy. Of course, I hope, with all my heart, he steps up to the plate -- but, again, your baby comes first, and he (or she) will need a confident, stable mom to care for him. At least you've got what it takes when it comes to responsibility and, if you have to do this on your own, you will, because that's the kind of person you are.
So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we've always had problems in our relationship. I became unexpectedly pregnant and at first it was fine. We talked about moving in, i got him a stable job at my job, and he stopped doing stupid things he was doing now that hes going to be a father. Recently, he's going back to his old habits, seems careless, doesn't want to spend time with me but would rather be with his friends. His mother's moving out here, and he said he's going with her. Like are you serious? What about me and the baby? He isn't acting like the man he should be. He told me that he'll live with his mom and come see me and the baby. It's very hard on me all I want to do is cry. I love him and he isn't being responsible like i want him to be. The baby is coming in 4 months and i don't know what I should do. Let him do whatever he wants or let him go> Help me please.
------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------------------
I wish I had a share of Microsoft stock for every letter I get, from teens and women, who tell me the same story. And it really boils down to this: At first, there is mixed emotion and, then, there's an attempt to accept it and make plans. But when a surprise like this happens, there is no sure bet you can make, that the guy is going to end up following through on the big plans to be there, move in, and be a responsible mate and parent. He's obviously going through the stage where he feels trapped, can't make a commitment because of it, and moving in with "Mom" (his new support system) is like going back to the womb for him. You're going to have to soldier on and see if he comes around once the baby is born. You hope that this is just a case of cold feet, and they'll warm once he sees the face of his baby. And that may be. Perhaps he'll decide to be a real dad, but there's no guarantee he'll fully commit to you. In an ideal world, he would, but you're going to have to plan for you and the baby in the real world, go along with what he's doing now, and try to concentrate of what's best for your unborn child -- and that's a mother who isn't constantly stressed by thinking the man who she once cared a great deal for is nothing more than a child himself, who wouldn't know a real commitment if it slapped him up one side of the head. He seems like he was a bit of an ass before all this happened, and nothing has really changed. He does need to grow-up, but there's no guarantee it will ever happen. He's got his mother as back-up to babysit when he wants to hang with friends -- and that woman is someone I'd want to get friendly with! One thing I do know, however, is that he is responsible for his share of child support and I would hold him to it. Anything else, for now, is iffy. Of course, I hope, with all my heart, he steps up to the plate -- but, again, your baby comes first, and he (or she) will need a confident, stable mom to care for him. At least you've got what it takes when it comes to responsibility and, if you have to do this on your own, you will, because that's the kind of person you are.
