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- He's Not One For Commitment
He's Not One For Commitment
- By Miss Emily
- Published 11/13/2010
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm in need in some advice! So this guy that i like never had a girlfriend before and he's making things very complicated. He and I are best friends -- we talk about everything and we usually talk 24/7, we hook up, we hangout, we never argue and we usually talk things out instead of arguing. I really don't get why he wont give me an him a chance. He over thinks it and he thinks about the negatives and all the "what ifs". I mean, I tried talking to him about it, but he keeps making up all these excuses for why we can't be in a relationship, and I think it's just fear. He told me that he doesn't like commitment which i really don't get because how can you not like something you never had before, right? I feel like if he's going to ever have a girlfriend and give someone a chance why not me? I mean we basically go out just without the title. During the summer, I went away for a week where there was no cell phone, and I was only able to talk to him once -- and when i got back things started to get weird like he got used to not talking to me and, then, just recently we started talking like we used to. He told my friend that his feeling for me were coming back cause I guess he pushed them aside when we were apart -- which i don't get how he could do that, or maybe he was trying not to like me anymore. Now he's back to being weird but he claims it's because of college application and work, and he goes home and sleeps. But i feel like there's more. I feel like he's trying to avoid the whole girlfriend thing. So how do I get him to realize that being in a relationship isnt that bad, or to actually give us a chance instead of being afraid of what will happen. Or just in general get him to want a relationship because he's never had one?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
I don't think it matters that he's never had a committed relationship before. He probably has a good idea what it entails. You don't have to jump into a swimming pool of water to find out it's wet! I think he cares about you and, obviously, has enjoyed the time he's spent with you, but commitment isn't what he wants, period. The fact that you went away over the summer, and he seemed to lose some interest in you tells me a lot. He only wants a friendship with some benefits. I do believe, however, if he works and is planning for college, his mind is also on other things. School and work is tiring, and it's hard to put a lot of energy into a relationship. It's a lot easier to pick up the phone when you want, and make plans when you can than feel obligated to any one person. I know you want more, but I'd stop pushing for it (it's off-putting to him, I'm sure) and accept his terms in this relationship, or look elsewhere for the kind of commitment you want.
I'm in need in some advice! So this guy that i like never had a girlfriend before and he's making things very complicated. He and I are best friends -- we talk about everything and we usually talk 24/7, we hook up, we hangout, we never argue and we usually talk things out instead of arguing. I really don't get why he wont give me an him a chance. He over thinks it and he thinks about the negatives and all the "what ifs". I mean, I tried talking to him about it, but he keeps making up all these excuses for why we can't be in a relationship, and I think it's just fear. He told me that he doesn't like commitment which i really don't get because how can you not like something you never had before, right? I feel like if he's going to ever have a girlfriend and give someone a chance why not me? I mean we basically go out just without the title. During the summer, I went away for a week where there was no cell phone, and I was only able to talk to him once -- and when i got back things started to get weird like he got used to not talking to me and, then, just recently we started talking like we used to. He told my friend that his feeling for me were coming back cause I guess he pushed them aside when we were apart -- which i don't get how he could do that, or maybe he was trying not to like me anymore. Now he's back to being weird but he claims it's because of college application and work, and he goes home and sleeps. But i feel like there's more. I feel like he's trying to avoid the whole girlfriend thing. So how do I get him to realize that being in a relationship isnt that bad, or to actually give us a chance instead of being afraid of what will happen. Or just in general get him to want a relationship because he's never had one?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
I don't think it matters that he's never had a committed relationship before. He probably has a good idea what it entails. You don't have to jump into a swimming pool of water to find out it's wet! I think he cares about you and, obviously, has enjoyed the time he's spent with you, but commitment isn't what he wants, period. The fact that you went away over the summer, and he seemed to lose some interest in you tells me a lot. He only wants a friendship with some benefits. I do believe, however, if he works and is planning for college, his mind is also on other things. School and work is tiring, and it's hard to put a lot of energy into a relationship. It's a lot easier to pick up the phone when you want, and make plans when you can than feel obligated to any one person. I know you want more, but I'd stop pushing for it (it's off-putting to him, I'm sure) and accept his terms in this relationship, or look elsewhere for the kind of commitment you want.
