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Friend Is Having Unprotected Sex
- By Miss Emily
- Published 11/11/2010
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily,
Recently, my friend of 19 years old called me with a pregnancy scare, saying she had unprotected sex with a boy that everyone thought she hated. Luckily, she soon found out that she was not pregnant, but even after that she continued, and still continues to have unprotected sex with this boy. Their relationship is only based on sex. The guy even made it clear to her that they cannot start liking each other, because then they can no longer have sex. Though, now she is telling me that she really likes him and wants to have a real relationship with him. Right now their relationship is a complete secret to everyone except for myself. She calls me constantly talking about the situation, and all I want to do is tell her that what she is doing is wrong. Shouldn't sex be based on love? Can't she tell that he is using her? As her friend, what should I say?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
All the things you say may be true, but my biggest fear is that she would think the way to have him is by getting pregnant (yet he's made it clear how he feels about any commitment). This happens more often than we like to think. Of course, it never works. Almost all of these girls end up alone, with a baby. Beside the pregnancy issue, there's the STD factor. There's a chance he's had, or is having sex with other girls. Genital warts and herpes are so commonplace, these days, a good portion of the population has them. But, I know, you've warned her, right? If not, a brief rundown of the dangers of her risky behavior would be warranted. She should at least be using protection! Once you've done that, there's nothing else you can do. But you can make it clear to her that you do not want to be her constant 'sounding board' every time she feels rejected by this guy. She's old enough to take full responsibility for the choices she makes. Should sex come only when there's love? Yes, and no. Some people just like having sex with no commitments. But I do know that she's playing a very dangerous game, and so is he -- because he could end up being a father whether he wants anything to do with your friend, or not. You see him as using her, but I see her as a willing accomplice -- and both of them could be in for a real-life nightmare.
Recently, my friend of 19 years old called me with a pregnancy scare, saying she had unprotected sex with a boy that everyone thought she hated. Luckily, she soon found out that she was not pregnant, but even after that she continued, and still continues to have unprotected sex with this boy. Their relationship is only based on sex. The guy even made it clear to her that they cannot start liking each other, because then they can no longer have sex. Though, now she is telling me that she really likes him and wants to have a real relationship with him. Right now their relationship is a complete secret to everyone except for myself. She calls me constantly talking about the situation, and all I want to do is tell her that what she is doing is wrong. Shouldn't sex be based on love? Can't she tell that he is using her? As her friend, what should I say?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
All the things you say may be true, but my biggest fear is that she would think the way to have him is by getting pregnant (yet he's made it clear how he feels about any commitment). This happens more often than we like to think. Of course, it never works. Almost all of these girls end up alone, with a baby. Beside the pregnancy issue, there's the STD factor. There's a chance he's had, or is having sex with other girls. Genital warts and herpes are so commonplace, these days, a good portion of the population has them. But, I know, you've warned her, right? If not, a brief rundown of the dangers of her risky behavior would be warranted. She should at least be using protection! Once you've done that, there's nothing else you can do. But you can make it clear to her that you do not want to be her constant 'sounding board' every time she feels rejected by this guy. She's old enough to take full responsibility for the choices she makes. Should sex come only when there's love? Yes, and no. Some people just like having sex with no commitments. But I do know that she's playing a very dangerous game, and so is he -- because he could end up being a father whether he wants anything to do with your friend, or not. You see him as using her, but I see her as a willing accomplice -- and both of them could be in for a real-life nightmare.
